Alicia Keys wears blue jumpsuit of misery on American Idol
Did anyone else recoil in terror during Idol Gives Back last night when Alicia Keys came on stage wearing... wearing... THIS?
Did you spit your Diet Coke at the screen? Did you roll your Snuggie in a ball, stuff your face into it and scream until your lungs bled tears?
I mean, this woman is GORGEOUS. Believe me when I tell you, I am jealous of her body. I really feel like it's a human rights violation to see her in this. It's criminal. This jumper should be subject to the scrutiny of a star chamber, as follows:
Treason against the King and his peoples: Cadet blue satin body singlet, worn
Items of discovery: Cigarillo pants, ankle wrinkling, thigh-buckling, crotch folds, blousing around the uterus in manner of regulation football, awkward waistline placement creating needless width, car wash window strips on biceps.
Ruling: The King's council, commonlaw judges, privy counselors and a variety of strange men wearing powder-white wigs rise unanimously in the trenches of their secret chamber, demanding the immediate abolishment of all cadet blue satin body singlets, heretofore, for the entire God-fearing population of England.
Court addendum: Alicia Keys lives in America. So that was all pointless. Unintelligible cursing, possible sigh from star chamber stenographer. Carry on.
Deal Diva Stephanie