It's the first day of school. You are locked in a cold panic, sweat beads landing in your eyeshadow. You accidentally inhale aerosol hairspray.Your entire closet is strewn about like a scene from Soylent Green. Your mother glares at you with intense scorn.

Putting together a first day outfit is rough.

You can't look too fresh, like a guy who gets a hair cut on his wedding day. You can't look like you were up all night plotting with whiteboards and pie charts. You also also can't look dirty and sick, like you had a Slurpee bender all summer.

To aid our young readers in the awful process, Deal Divas present our top five back to school looks. Pick up a few of these pieces and pair them with stuff you already have. You'll look expertly balanced and confident, ready to focus on more important things, like getting to the cafeteria YooHoo cart before it's sold out.

Bohemian

I feel like boho has been a "trend" every season since 1967. Alas, it's 2009 and here we go. It's still awesome, though, mostly because you can eat eight Pop Tarts and no one will notice the bloat. And a one-piece sack is the nicest thing you can do for yourself at 6 a.m. when you are up, but legally might still be considered asleep. Try this one, $24.99 by Xhilaration at Target. Throw on a denim jacket for dress code.

Distressed denim

Your mom will hate you for this, but when has that ever stopped you? Ripped jeans are hot right now, seen on everyone from Reese Witherspoon to Rachel Bilson. Try pairing them with a crisp top and bold jewelry so you don't look totally transient. These Decree boyfriend jeans are on sale for $24.99 at JCPenney. Or, make your own at home by doing knee skids down the driveway.

Scarves

We know it's like 99-point-schweaty degrees out, but these fringed dohickeys are showing up everywhere. If you can stand the stuff on your neck, a lightweight summer scarf is a simple way to bring an old white tee into this millennium without spending a ton of money. This one is only $8 at Dillard's department stores, and look how cute this chick is. Yeah, we hate her, too.

Plaid

You no longer have to work on a dude ranch or herd sheep in Scotland to sport plaid without looking dumb. It's everywhere right now, from lumberjack prints to vintage western styles. Guys, try one of these cool, button-down plaid shirts from Old Navy, $15.25. It's inexpensive, and it'll woo the ladies better than your smelly Rays jersey.

Oversized bags

Backpacks are gross, aren't they? I always forgot vanilla sandwich cookies in the bottom of mine, and my (incomplete) math homework got covered in yellow sugar dust. Around 11th grade, I decided to switch to something more sophisticated to hold my cookie dust -- an oversized shoulder bag. They add a pop of fun to your school look without saying, "I'm going hiking in northern Vermont!" This awesome Deux Lux Pintuck Satchel is on sale at Urban Outfitters for $39.

Happy shopping!

~ Deal Diva Stephanie

Photos: Target, JCPenney, Dillard's, Old Navy, Urban Outfitters