Captain Posh-In-Boots strikes again
Ladies and gentleman, fair denizens of America, have no fear! Captain Posh-In-Boots is here to save your hiney from violent crime, political injustice, and carbohydrates of all kind!
Faster than a speeding Toyota Prius, more powerful than a stiletto to the groin, Captain Posh-In-Boots uses her patented thigh-high latex footwear to stamp out the dark villains of the city (athletic shoe designers, cheese and bread distributors, those who panned her latest haircut).
When the mayor blasts the Emergency Mystic Tan Sky Signal, Captain Posh-In-Boots exits the Spice Cave and wobbles onto the scene carefully, because her magic boots are aerodynamically designed with no actual heels, just sheer pain. She unleashes her signature battle cry ("All I reallyreallyreally want is zig-a-zig-ah!"). With swift high kicks and hollow facial expressions, she sends the criminals packing back to K-Mart where they belong. On the way home, she stops at Neiman Marcus to pick up a new pair of freakass boots as a personal reward for being so completely may-jah.
The next morning, when newspapers print scathing photos painting her as a reckless menace to society, Captain Posh-In-Boots remains unfazed, because at least she looked skinny on the front page. Also, she has a really hot husband, so ppbbtthh.
~ Deal Diva Stephanie
(Photo: Getty)
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