In a totally non-sexual way (stay with me, now), I feel like this blog is Taxicab Confessions. Or one of those horrid call-in radio shows where people, blanketed by the sweet freedom of anonymity, share their sordid-and-unsanitary escapades.

When it comes to shopping, you readers get our dirty little secrets, but we have no anonymity. Our Deal Diva mugs are pictured on this very blog with our names, phone numbers, star signs (Gemini), favorite movies (Love Actually), least favorite foods (pickles and celery) and haunting moments of lingering childhood guilt (yanking prize flowers from the neighbor's garden).

My point is, after I tell you this, you have to promise not to point at me when you see me getting a Frap at Starbucks or digging through the clearance makup bin at Target. PROMISE you won't laugh and say, "HEY, CHEAPFACE, DID THAT OUTFIT COST $5? REAL CLASSY! YOU SUCK."

Here goes. On Sunday, I found a store called $5 Fashions.

It started as a trip to Burlington Coat Factory in Clearwater to get a coat for my upcoming vacay. As I sauntered up (don't you saunter everywhere?), a forcefield pulled me to the confusing store left of Burlington, featuring a freaky mannequin decked in a poncho and leg warmers. Signs said, "EVERYTHING IS $5."

HMM?

Inside were racks of new clothes - skirts, tank tops, long sleeved tees, jackets, shoes, accessories. Some of it, like the cotton candy glitter corset, was totally sketchball looking. But there was also totally sane stuff. Cute, even. They even had clothes for full-figured gals. There were some name brand clothes wtih the tags cut (Xhiliaration, Forever 21), some brands I'd never seen. Some of the clothes didn't even have sizes.

There was disco music, and no discernable fitting room -- just a mirror in the middle of the store. The whole thing had the vibe of buying a pashmina in a Times Square back alley. I had a nervous feeling that Stacey and Clinton might jump out at any second screaming "BUY QUALITY!!!"

Nonetheless, I came away with two jackets, a shirt and a satin skirt. They didn't lie - I paid $20 for all of it with my debit card. I asked the girl at the register a simple but pointed question: "How do you do this?"

She said they buy direct from the manufacturers and sell it all for $5. I was still confused, but more interested in getting out of there with my haul before running into any popular girls from high school.

Here's the, uh, website. It lists the chain's four locations (FOUR!) in Hillsborough and Pinellas. And seriously, when you ask me about my outfit, I'm totally lying and telling you it came from a boutique in, you know, southern Ann Arbor. But don't say I never did anything for you.

~ Deal Diva Stephanie (the blond one, social security number 291-88...)