Deal Divas

Stephanie Hayes, Katie Sanders, Shelley Rossetter, Kameel Stanley, Keeley Sheehan & Keyonna Summers

Deal Divas' jam-packed Golden Globes recap!

14

January

The good omens we had about this year's Golden Globe Awards were on-point. This show was A BLAST. Hamsters on plates, hilarious women, Will Ferrell with a mustache. I can't remember an awards show being so fun in a long time. 

As for fashion trends, we saw lots of red and black, lots of power mesh with beading, lots of formal ballgowns with minimal accessories and rumpled bedhead. And we saw just enough crazy to keep us entertained through the whole broadcast.

I always like to preface these recaps with a full admission that if I had to go to a red carpet event of this level, I would freeze up in fear and wear a Forever Lazy. These are just opinions, and all these women are beautiful, even the ones who wear plates under their bazooms. Which, hey, leads us right into...

Jennifer Lawrence 

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It's hard to see in this picture, but her boobs are smiling. The Smiling Boobs were not only completely unnecessary, they were completely STRANGE. She is a wonderful actor, a great role model for young girls, a gorgeous woman with a healthy body image. And usually, she nails the red carpet. Maybe she thought about it too much and was like, "Boob smiles. Avant-garde, right?" Here's a closer look:

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Jennifer smiling: Yes. Boob spoon rests smiling: No.

 

Olivia Munn 

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Olivia Munn is so great on The Newsroom, sort of husky and smart and real. I was happy to see she had so much talent, because until then I had only known her as the woman gamer boys everywhere grunted about, and it was kind of uncomfortable. Her dress is cool and feels very now with the beaded turquoise bodice. I'm not convinced the necklace is working. It sort of fights for attention with the beads. 

 

Lena Dunham 

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Taking into consideration that time Lena Dunham showed up to an event basically not wearing pants, this is a knock-it-out-of-the-park home run, right? Maybe she was purposefully confusing us, not wearing pants, so our expectations would be lower. Love this color, love the shape, love that it showed off her back tattoo. She was cute and Lena-ish on the red carpet, too, talking about how her publicist kept telling her to yank the dress to the right because her chest was unruly. Props for winning at life, Lena.

 

Lucy Liu

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Some people in the office really liked this. I am less sure. It looks like vintage curtains, but I'm not sure one should wear anything that passes as curtains. The pale blue is yummy, and her side fishtail braid is cool and gives the look an edge. This dress had pockets, and I support that from a religious standpoint (for snack holding). But it's just so much dress. Tell us what you think, please. 

 

Kerry Washington

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Speaking of curtains... In today's shorter Globes recap in the paper, I decided this is what happens when you're 15 and you come downstairs in a mini skirt, and your mom sends you packing back upstairs, and you grab the sheer curtain valance off your window and tie it around your waist and bounce out to the party. That said, I don't totally hate it, and her hair is fantastic.

 

Jodie Foster

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Let's not even talk about the speech. I stepped out for 20 seconds to grab the Oikos fro-yo from the freezer, and when I came back, Mel Gibson was presenting Jodie Foster a platter of hamsters, and then it just got weirder from there. Let's judge this dress as just a dress on a lady who never made a weird speech. It's very sparkly and kicky, and the gunmetal color is divine. Her hair might be a little severe, but that leads me back on a dangerous path to that speech, and then I just want to go back and get more fro-yo.

 

Halle Berry

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I considered lumping these reviews into subsets, like, "Seen it before," and "Made pact with Devil,"  but then I realized there was some overlapping, namely from Halle Berry. We have seen this before, and she has made a pact with the Devil and never ages. Stay tuned for more people with similar pacts!

 

Giuliana Rancic

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On the plus side, Giuliana has gotten a grip on her spray tanning habits (and passed on her old ways to Lea Michele and Jay Leno, apparently). On the minus side, she decided to borrow a dress from the Dowager Countess.

 

Gabby Douglas

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I am gleeful that the gymnasts snagged an invite. Good for them! That had to be so exciting. And I looooove this color on Gabby. What a refreshing jolt of citrus. It could use a better hem in front, but that's being picky. But I hope she had a good time, and now I'm switching into my doting voice. Honey, just go have fun. You kids are only young once.

 

Eva Longoria

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No.

 

Emily Mortimer

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So disappointing. So, so disappointing. She is also lots of fun on The Newsroom, where she wears mostly dowdy journalist clothes (I can say that, because I'm a journalist, too). This would have been an excellent chance to be like, "I'm here and not in an oxford shirt!" But instead, she chose this Iron Man costume from Party City, with a bad Spanx line. I am sad.

 

Claire Danes 

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Good old Angela Chase here falls into the "pact with Devil" category, because as you may have heard, she had a baby just ONE MONTH AGO. I don't see how this is even possible, but in Hollywood people have magic beans they spread into the ground and climb to grab replacement bodies. She looks dynamite in this red frock, and the cut is gorgeous. It's loose enough that she's not totally rubbing her amazing bod in our faces, only merely hinting at it. Sigh.

 

Anne Hathaway

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So much ugly crying during Les Miserables. So much. I left the theater feeling punched in the face. And then I walked in the bathroom and there were a bunch of girls sobbing, washing their red cheeks. Stunning movie. Stunning performances. This dress? I am having real conflict about it. Last night during the red carpet, I decided it looked like a tube top from White House Black Market (nothing wrong with that, of course, just not for the Globes). But then when she was up getting her award, I thought maybe I liked it better, that it was kind of simple and elegant. Today, I'm back to thinking it's a tube top and a skirt. Help me. Is this dress good? Or is it meh?

 

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler

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At first, a lot of people on Twitter were just like, "Amy's boobs are out," which is an adept observation since she just did the divorce thing. But while this was likely a strategic single lady boob display, this was also extremely clever. They played with gender roles, with Tina in the dress and Amy in the tux. While I'm normally not a fan of a capri WITH an ankle strap on a petite lady, I can forgive it, because they made the joke before anyone else could make it, and they are adorable, and we all need best friends who are funny, and they made us all believe in love again.

 

Katharine McPhee

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Since we're talking about boobs being out. Katharine's red carpet interview with Ryan Seacrest was the funniest. He kept staring right at her lady lumps, trying to find ways to ask her about "the dress," and she was like, "black and white are big this spring," as if there was nothing more obvious to discuss than a current color trend. You actors are a laugh riot. She is pulling it off, though. Do it while you can and all that. Also, her shoes are cool.

 

Hayden Panetierre

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I haven't watched Nashville yet, although Deal Divas Katie and Kameel are big fans and say it's pretty saucy. But I am happy for Hayden, who seemed for a while to be boarding the Lohan Express when she got that tattoo spelled wrong in a different language and cut off all her hair. Thankfully, she has blossomed into a beautiful woman who knows how to dress a petite body. And this pale pink really works on her. I could see this being a wedding dress option people will pin on the secret Pinterest wedding boards they'll never admit to having.

 

Adele

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Fabulous, beautiful, hilarious. A bit matronly. She is still VERY young. But she is muh-f-n Adele, and she can do what she wants, including not tell anyone the name of her baby, ever. Not that any of those red carpet reporters would ever get up the stones to ask.

 

Zooey Deschanel

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File under "seen it before." She does what she does, you know? Poofy ball gown, pearls, ponytail, bangs covering half of face, quirky nail art. The same way I want Lady Gaga to show up to an event in jeans and a white T-shirt, I want Zooey to show up in something totally hot and slinky. Maybe one day.

 

Sofia Vergara

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Seen it before, Part A Million. In this case, though, it works. The Giulianas and Osbournes of the world love to talk about how she should wear something other than a fishtail, and then she shows up in a fishtail, and they're all, "SOFIA IS A GENIUS WHO KNOWS WHAT SHE LIKES." She does not seem to begin to care what anyone thinks, which is admirable.

 

Jessica Chastain

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True story -- this is the color of paint I bought for my bedroom in my fixer-upper house. It's still currently in buckets, but it's going to be swell. I can't get enough of this shade, especially against her creamy skin. What I CAN get enough of is the dinner napkin-like way in which this garment swaddles her chest.

 

Taylor Swift

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This is so very 1998 prom to me. I want to like it, but I keep thinking of K-Ci & JoJo. It's something in the square necklike, the dual straps, the heavy satin. And that material really does love to wrinkle. And all my life, I dreamed of someone like you. And I thank God, that I, that I finally found you.

 

Kate Hudson

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How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is on cable at least three times a week. I watched it twice last month (judge away), and upon the second viewing noticed Kate Hudson wears nary a single bra in any scene. It's especially awkward when she's wearing the white tank top and riding the motorcycle with Fratty McConaughey and they get all doused in water. I did not like that. I THINK I love this. It has a distinct 1995 Vogue vibe to it. Is the "window to her soul" totally necessary? Not sure, but then again, maybe she's challenging us all to look into OUR OWN SOULS. Maybe this was the inspiration for Jodie Foster's speech! Maybe...

Probably not.

Deal Diva Stephanie

Photos: AP, Getty, Times files

[Last modified: Monday, January 14, 2013 4:01pm]

    

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