New York Fashion Week is in full swing. You know what that means - time to laugh at ridiculous things! The collections are mostly fabulous, but designers are show-people at heart, not to be boring, not to be outdone. We've channeled the inner voices of some tortured Fashion Week models to explain the weirdest stuff we've seen all week.

Marc by Marc Jacobs: Guys? Hey guys?  This is, like, a lot of stuff on my neck. It's hard to breathe. I'm just... hack... can we maybe lose one scarf? I think people know scarves are trendy. Gasp. Should I lift my hands over head to open the airway? Sputterwheeze. Shoot, they're stuck in these stupid pockets. If I live to make it backstage, I'm calling my lawyer.

William Rast: Hmm. I feel like I'm forgetting something. Better go down the list: cool, deconstructed military jacket, check. Goth spiked bracelet, check. Disaffected scowl, check. Hardcore fringe panties, check. Huh. Well, guess I'll just head off to church, then. Gosh, it's drafty in here.

Isaac Mizrahi: Really? We're gonna do this whole "Enchanted" thing? I mean, I can change the oil on a '67 Charger. I own real estate. I kickbox. OK, fine. Er... hark, my squirrel friend, here cometh a fair woodland sparrow to help me scrub the cinders from the mythical grout! Let us sparkle together and sing praises of a new morn! Feh. Hey, has anyone seen my Jack and Coke?

Betsey Johnson: Hello, America! For the talent portion of tonight's show, I'll be lip-synching everyone's favorite pop hit, "Like a Virgin," followed by a signature softshoe! What's that you say? Fashion show? Don't be silly. This is the Miss Hackensack Glitter Princess Pageant, sponsored by Alpo! What do you mean this isn't the mall food court? Well, I don't see Sbarro either, but... Ooh. Um. Awkward.

Thom Browne: Great. This is just great. THANKS A LOT, MOTHER NATURE. After years of learning to love myself at 5-foot-8, you choose right this second for my growth spurt. Dude, look at these pants! I look like Opie Freaking Taylor. Oh well, at least I've got this enormous tulle skirt thing under my blazer to draw the eye up. I'll just clear my schedule for all the hot babes I'm gonna score with this look. I hate life.

Jonathan Saunders: Bonjour, adoring legions! Tell me how you enjoy my narrow, narrow ankle hole! Shower me with sweet praise as I secrete to completion in the mysterious walls of my Dali-inspired chrysalis! Gasp in awe as I break triumphantly from my glorious cocoon, transforming to a majestic Fashion Week butterfly! But, uh, just don't trap me for your kid's science fair, capiche? Give a girl some space. I've been hibernating a really long time in this thing, and it's itchy like a mofo.

~ Deal Diva Stephanie

Photos: Getty