I realize given the baffling popularity of today's topic, I might alienate some folks. But it needs to be said: The Ed Hardy line makes me want to burn my eyes out with Red Bull and vodka.

You know what I'm talking about, right? The stuff is designed by supertan French designer Christian Audigier, who incorporates the art of tattoo artist Don Ed Hardy into T-shirts, shoes, jeans, and so on. Before designing the Ed Hardy line, Audigier was the braintrust behind Von Dutch, thee of classy trucker hat fame. Shocking.

I die a little each time I see a dude in a tight-fitting Ed Hardy shirt with, like, a Bengal tiger bursting out of a skull encased in a bleeding heart surrounded by sparrows. Maybe I'm alone in my particular strong points of attraction, but that doesn't scream, "HOT, CAN I DATE YOU?"

I also blame Audigier for the fact that it is increasingly difficult to buy my boyfriend a casual T-shirt that doesn't have GOLD LEAFING and WATERMARKS and EMBOSSING and NAKED MERMAIDS RISING FORTH FROM WILTING ROSE PETALS. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, every T-shirt designer everywhere wants to bathe Christian Audigier's feet in holy water, and I just want to buy a flipping T-shirt.

I know the Tampa Bay Rays are fans of the line, and... well, I'm sure they are just nice young men with terrible taste in shirts. I'll let that go in support of the home team. Go Rays.

But when I saw the news that reality famehooker Jon Gosselin may be designing a line of Ed Hardy children's wear with his random new girlfriend who he squired about just weeks after officially splitting with his wife of ten years, it solidified my heebie jeebies. With all the injustice that the Gosselins have done their children, the greatest injustice of all would be putting them in preschool playground jumpers featuring metallic cracked skulls sprouting butterfly wings. 

~ Deal Diva Stephanie

Photo: Ed Hardy "exploding skull" shirt from Zappos.com, on sale for $82.20. Oh joy!