Dearest Corey Feldman,

Loved you in the Lost Boys! You were soooo great in Stand By Me. And I'm not going to lie, I even watched your wedding on the Surreal Life.

My FAVORITE, though, was when you threw that dog out the window and started dressing like Bridget Fonda in Single White Female! That was a totally brilliant performance. I mean, you looked JUST LIKE HER, and...

Hmm? Whassat? What do you mean that wasn't you? Because I thought...

Ooh. Awkward. So, uh... you just stole Michael Jackson's identity at the memorial service for funsies, then? It's not, like, for another role?

Woo boy. Well, Corey Feldman, since I have your attention...

We here at Deal Divas like to dispense fashion advice, and here is some friendly funeral know-how that everyone can use: DON'T DRESS LIKE THE PERSON WHO JUST DIED.

Oh sure, a memorial T-shirt works. You might even wear the deceased's favorite color! But I sincerely dissuade you from donning a custom Michael Jackson stalker uniform, complete with military piping, fedora and styling gel-a-plenty. It's tacky, and a little terrifying if we're being honest.

Think of it this way -- when Aunt Doris dies, will you wear her favorite dress, the one screen-printed with the Eiffel Tower? Will you wear her Dusky Dawn control top Leggs? When Grandpa goes, will you opt for his WWII windbreaker and "WINNER OF BEST GRANDPA AWARD" baseball cap? I should hope not.

I'm glad we had this talk. Try a little harder not to be creepy next time, will you? I have to go now. Desperately Seeking Susan just came on! You were so good in that.

Forever yours,

~ Deal Diva Stephanie

Photo: AP shot of Corey Feldman arriving creepily at Michael Jackson's memorial service Tuesday.