We're just gonna go head with the underwear theme today. After all, it's a holiday, and with any luck you're kicked back at home in your skivs eating barbecue chips while watching Jon and Kate pretend to be functional. Am I right?

This morning, Letitia gave tips for not looking like a dirty grosserton when unmentionables peek from your summer wear. I'm gonna venture to say that these folks would have a harder time with that.

Designers competed for the Triumph Inspiration Award 2009 Japan today at Bunka Fashion College in Tokyo. They showcased the best designs in underwear. That's right, folks. Underwear.

Now, I appreciate that this is the kind of fanciful couture meant more as art than clothing. But nonetheless... it sort of hurts my head. UNDER-wear. UNDER. Items to wear UNDER. Most of these pieces would give a silhouette like Jabba the Hut.

Ladies and gents of the jury, I believe I have unearthed ample evidence to support my theory that this is bonkers. Let's examine more closely.

EXHIBIT A:

I've never seen a padded bra made from the remnants of puffy baby teething books. But let's keep an open mind -- maybe this is a practical solution we've not yet considered! After all, pudding in plastic baggies is messy. Balloons pop. Socks are lumpy and ribbed for athletic performance. Toilet paper + rainstorm = tragedy of ages. Maybe this girl has it all figured out.

EXHIBIT B:

So, say your date is going really well. He's not hideous, he has a job and at least a bicycle, you've had too much Cab Sauv. After dinner, you decide to sneak into the local hotel's pool for a sassy midnight frolic. In a bold move, you rip off your cute wrap dress and poise for maximum belly flop, when... OH SH*T, YOU FORGOT YOU WORE YOUR CHASTITY BELT. Before you know it, your terrified date leaves you poolside with nothing but a chrome wall sconce to hide your tears of loneliness. Bad news bears.

EXHIBIT C:

Really? I mean, seriously? I know that after I spend an hour showering, removing hair, slathering on fruity lotions, deodorizing, spritzing, shimmering and generally perfuming my person, I want to put on UNDERWEAR made of ONIONS. Then I want to grab my ONION HANDBAG, which is likely filled with MORE ONIONS. Because you know us girls like to smell sweet.

EXHIBIT D:

Your honor, I rest my case. These folks are quackers.

~ Deal Diva Stephanie

Photos: Getty images