Forever Lazy and Proud (Or At Least Warm)
Hey, guys! Look!
Now, before you all go skewering my good name, accusing me of feeding off the slovenly ways of the world and contributing to the end of civilization as we know it, hear me out. Yes, I am wearing a Forever Lazy. Yes, it is that hideous one-piece adult pajama getup with the butt flap and the matching non-slip socks. Yes, it is seen-on-TV commercialism at its worst, marketing to those who cannot be bothered with putting on proper pants and shirts and prefer to just zip up their bodies in a thick, fuzzy polyester sack, curl up in a fetal position on the couch and call it a day.
Yes, this appeals to me.
I am fortunate enough to have an observant friend who picked up on this somewhat shameful tendency and went ahead and ordered me one for Christmas. Except the Forever Lazy people apparently were too lazy to tell him they didn't have my size and went ahead and mailed him two XLs instead of the medium and small that he ordered. Their letter with the package -- which was about two weeks late, by the way -- said something to the effect of, "Dear Sir: Sorry we don't have what you ordered but here are two totally wrong-sized products which probably won't work out for you but we know you won't bother mailing them back for a refund. Signed, Corporate Greed." To be fair, they did throw a free Snuggie in the box and refunded his shipping when he called and complained about the delay.
So I'm drowning in the thing and have to roll up the arms and legs, but fortunately the butt flap magically falls at the right spot, and really, when you're this lazy, the fit is but a minor detail. I am not, as the people in the commercial might suggest, going to do household activities or high-five my friends at a tailgate party in this thing. Last night, I zipped myself up right before bed, knowing I'd be waking up to a 40-degree morning. I slept like a drunken bear and woke up totally well-rested and toasty.
So hate all you want, folks. I'll just be snoozing over here on the couch, next to this half-empty bag of Cheetos and dog-eared copy of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. G'night.
Deal Diva Emily
Photo: Android cell phone, Adweek.com.