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Deal Divas

Stephanie Hayes, Katie Sanders, Kameel Stanley, & Keyonna Summers

Getting bad vibes from this...



Lipstickvibe2Today, on this very special episode of Confusing Mysteries of the Universe: HELP ME UNDERSTAND, we present... Vibrators in Disguise!

Go Momma goddess Sherry sent me a note about "vibrators" and "lipstick" and "come see!" I immediately ran to her desk, and she thrust forth a copy of... wait for it... PARENTING MAGAZINE. Next to a benign piece about TV habits, across from an ad for kids' Crocs featuring a child in fairy princess garb, there was this:

"Whether you go way back with your vibrator - or you're looking to start a new relationship, these vibes-in-disguise are worth a look." It touted the Lipstick Vibe, ($28 from and the Touch-Up ($26 from

TouchupAs you've likely surmised, these, er, personal items, are made to look like lipstick and nail polish. This is not to pass judgment on beauty products or vibrators, because, uh, they all have their place. But... do you really need to tote your little friend EVERYWHERE? This creates a variety of scenarios. Come with me on a little scriptwriting journey.

EXTERIOR/DAYLIGHT/LITTLY TIMMY'S SOCCER GAME: Jane cheers Little Timmy's dribble from the sidelines, her purse unattended near the Gatorade. Her friend, Susan, looks pale and tired from one too many red wines the night before. She yells to Jane.

SUSAN: I'm just going to borrow your lipstick, OK, girl? I look like Casper on a bender!

Jane, remembering her lipstick is actually a freaky sex toy, turns and runs to Susan. She yells.

JANE: I can explain! It was in Parenting Mag...

It's too late. Susan has discovered the lipstick's on/off switch, and Jane has missed Little Timmy's very first soccer goal.   


Or what if you choose to leave your disguised vibe at home?

INTERIOR/EVENING/BATHROOM: Bradley, a terrible colleague of Bob's from the office, attends a dinner party at Bob and Jane's house. Bradley, who wears white athletic socks with loafers, sings Metallica in his cubicle and has no manners whatsoever, snoops in Jane's medicine cabinet during a bathroom break. He finds a nail polish, which he decides to steal for his girlfriend.

Bradley: Sleep with one eye open! Gripping your pillow tight!

Upon further examination, Bradley discovers that this is no nail polish. He's been around a time or two and knows exactly what it is. Largely an idiot, he rushes out to the party.

Bradley: Hey everyone, look what Jane's been up to!  Har har!

Jane, stunned, chokes on her Osso Buco and knocks over her Riesling. Bob bans Bradley from the home for all eternity.


I'm just saying...

~ Deal Diva Stephanie

(Photos: and

[Last modified: Thursday, May 20, 2010 5:11pm]


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