Glee kids attempt fashion, no longer small town girls in lonely world
There was some event in L.A. Tuesday night called Glee Academy. From what I can surmise, it was another excuse for Fox to parade their vocally-blessed darlings and make them sing Journey AGAIN. Don't get me wrong. This is wonderful. I want them to sing Journey for-the-rest-of-their-natural-lives. I want them to be 94 and bedbound with the gout and singing harmonies about South Detroit (a neighborhood which technically doesn't exist, but this isn't a geography blog, so I digress).
The Glee kids got to strut around in fashion for the event, so let's see how they did:
She SO PRETTY. But... I don't know. This reminds me too much of a bottle of Goldschlager, which reminds me too much of college, which reminds me too much of my old apartment, which reminds me too much of the poor ventilation and that time my roommate made Tuna Helper and it how smelled that way for WEEKS. Lea has an adorbs figure, so why cover it in a shapeless sack the color of oatmeal? I want to attack her with scissors and binder clips. She deserves better.
Our photo system has Jayma Mays wrongly labeled at Jayma Hayes, which excites me because then it's like we're related and LOOK HOW CUTE SHE IS! Her hair is perfectly mussed, pronouncing that she's not the uptight germaphobe from TV. Her legs look a million miles long thanks to the nude shoes. And I love her dress so much I would go right out and buy it if there was a fake version at Target. Sue Sylvester apparently doesn't agree in this photo, but who can win with her? (Call me, cousin Jayma!)
Can we just agree that Brittany is the funniest character on Glee? When she called Dolphins gay sharks, she sealed the deal. I can't wait for her Britney Spears episode. Manna from Heaven, that will be. Her dress is sexy and fits amazingly, but I feel she should unclunk her footwear in the vein of Jayma Hayes. And from far away, I might mistake her for Kim Zolciak from the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Let the hair down, girl. You're too young to look that Botoxed.
Dang, homie. Who knew you were hiding serious guns and quads under all those striped Hot Topic tights and combat boots? Seeing as Jenna is forced to wear Gothic duster skirts and blue hair extensions at her job, I bet she feels pretty freaking vindicated when she gets to look simple and hot. This wins.
Have you guys heard the rumors that Jenna (above) and this guy (let's call him Artie, because it's easier) are REALLY DATING? How great would that be? All our sad television programming dreams make manifest into the world. Now could Patrick Dempsey and Ellen Pompeo please make a pretty baby? Kthx. Anyway, Artie is handsome in real life, but you'd never know it because he accidentally traded glasses with Carole Channing en route to the event. Pity.
Best of the night? I think it's between her and Jayma Hayes (I can't stop). This dress fits perfectly, and her hair looks so luscious I want to steal it and love it as my very own. Shoes = great (see how nude shoes own noobs?) She knows she looks good, too, right? She's all, "Get a load, Gleeks. Forget those episodes in which I wore orthopedic sneakers as an ill-fated member of the Cheerios. Forget that time I wore a fedora in that photo to my right. I am beautiful, no matter what they say, losers. And I WILL bust the windows out your car."
Have you ever gone to, you know, a wedding, and all the men are all kind of wearing versions of the same exact thing? And because you are smart and know things, you know exactly what happened. You know they sat on their couch staring at repeats of Mythbusters until the last possible second, when some woman in their life stepped out of the bathroom, rolled her eyes and said, "Oh for the love of CHRISTMAS, just put on a jacket and let's GO."
I'm getting that vibe here.
Exhibit A: Cory and his jacket. (Side note: I look like this after falling asleep in my contact lenses. Can somebody please implore this adorable boy to open his eyes occasionally? The smolder just plays like eye crust.)
Exhibit B: Hot hunka stud Puck and his jacket. (Side note: He apparently takes smolder lessons from his friend Squinty McSquinterson up there. Or maybe the sun is just pointing right in their eyes at 7 p.m., in which case, sincerest apologies and happy Ray Ban shopping.)
Exhibit C: Mr. Schu and his JACKET. As the teacher in this situation, you'd think he'd instruct his pupils better. But there we go again, blending TV with real life. If things were that simple, the whole cast would start singing Send in the Clowns, artfully shift to a new camera angle and transform into evening gowns and tuxedos while backed by a full brass orchestra. A girl can dream.
Deal Diva Stephanie