What do you say, kids? How was the fashion at the Golden Globes? I liked the variety - lots of color, lots of sparkle, not too much black, just a sprinkle of Crazyville. It has me excited for its big sister, the Oscars! And I couldn't help but notice a few themes, which I shall scientifically outline below:

PURPLE

It was like a big pot of grape jam! Purple was the color of LAST season, but celebs like Fergie, Leona Lewis and Rose Byrne whipped it out for the red carpet now. Curious. It's one of my favorite colors, especially in a rich jewel tone, but it can look juvenile if not paired with a sophisticated cut. Like Sandra Bullock here.  Great color ...  but kind of ... twee. Or something. Also, the fabric reminds me of a wedding table runner. Or those little favor bags that hold Jordan almonds. Or something. And from this angle it sort of looks like she's wearing Dyeables. Or something.

RUFFLES

The ruffle brigade was proudly led by Chloe Sevigny, who always serves up a big bowl of Crazy Flakes with milk. We love her for that, to be sure. WE LOVE CRAZY. This getup looked like a set of curtains from the Quaker Oatmeal Factory and Day Spa. CRAZY. The ruffled also included Jennifer Morrison, Diane Kruger, Christina Hendricks and Zoe Saldana.

FACIAL HAIR

Making us die a thousand deaths of terror was George Clooney, who obliterated his wonderful face of majesty with THAT BEARD FROM THE UNDERWORLD. I know he's hard at work raising millions for Haiti, which is awesome, but, uh... shaving takes 10 minutes. TEN MINUTES THAT WOULD GIVE US BACK OUR SOULS. You cut us deep, George. You cut us real deep. We assume George traded facial hair pointers (trimming techniques, how to beat the itch) with Jeff Bridges and Leonardo DiCapprio over the bar peanuts. We lose.

BOOBZ

That's right, boobz with a "z." The final letter of the alphabet helps drive home the seriousness of the cleavage that was up in the room Sunday, upper, lower, side and otherwise. Mariah Carey (below) and her Golden Globes were Grande Dames of the Boobz Movement, followed a close second by Anna Paquin, who made me blush and reach for the Bible every time the camera passed by her table. Halle Berry placed third, and pulling up the Boobz Cabooze in fourth place was the lovely Olivia Wilde, whose pewter dress plunged forth to freedom. As a footnote, be sure to notice the look of intense HELLYEAH on Nick Cannon's face. Well done, sir!

What were your favorite moments from the show? And if you say Mickey Rourke's hat/girlfriend/face, so help me, I'll jump right off the roof. Where's my Diet Coke?

Deal Diva Stephanie

Photos: Associated Press