Jeans that wink when the fabric gets caught in your butt.
On the one hand, this is easily the most terrifying thing I've ever seen in my life. On the other hand, I've been in a foul mood today, and this is the first thing that's made me even come close to laughing. Also, it's jeans week here at Deal Divas, so... here we go.
"Winkers" are jeans with eyeballs painted on the butt folds. When you walk, your massive mounds of assfat gather the fabric and squish it together like something out of a terrible horror movie from the 70s. Winkers also come in fabulous styles including "Duck, "Movie Clapboard," and "Owl."
I just... I feel like... How can a person...
Here's the thing. I choose to live by a code that prohibits me from wearing anything that calls attention to my cavernous butt crevices by utilizing illustrations of water fowl or hilarious cliche film props. See, I want my butt to remain an attractive mystery shrouded in a solid wash, not something that screams, "HEY MISTER, I HAD AN ENTIRE DIGIORNO FOR LUNCH TODAY! WINK WINK!"
I need a drink.
Watch the video.
~ Deal Diva Stephanie