Material Girl line comes to Macy's, makes everyone feel old
Time was, Madonna equaled NSFW.
She writhed onstage in a wedding dress, yapping about her virginity. She danced before burning crosses. She strapped on bondage and brandished bullwhips. She made out with Britney Spears.
Her latest exploit? The newest display of fiendish filth designed to titillate and humiliate the masses?
Wait, did you hear? Macy’s!
The naked one and her daughter, Lourdes, launched a juniors fashion line called Material Girl Tuesday at 200 Macy’s stores, including WestShore Plaza and Westfield Countryside and Citrus Park.
How can it be? The store is famous for flying Garfield balloons on Thanksgiving. For selling Martha Stewart cupcake carriers. For setting the stage in Miracle on 34th Street. For the love of Saint Agnes, that’s wholesome!
The Material Girl collection is cheap -- $12 to $40 -- and not too scandalous. The offerings are semi-cute and pseudo-tough, with bandeau tops and tulle skirts, faux leather vests and gingham corsets.
Mostly, it’s a rude reminder of how everyone gets older, softer, slower, lamer. Everything edgy ends up in the proverbial Macy’s.
Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off of a bat. Then, he got a reality show and doddered around in track pants trailed by fluffy miniature dogs. Likewise, Dee Snider is not gonna take it, unless taking it means staring in a family show on A&E.
Remember Ice T and the song Cop Killer? Now he’s on Law and Order.
Alice Cooper plays golf.
Madonna is 51 now. She’s a mom. She does yoga.
Macy’s was the next logical step.
“The brand is designed to appeal to today’s Material Girl,” said her press release. “A spontaneous and fearless individual who invents her own fashion trends and is never afraid to make a bold statement.”
“Today’s Material Girl,” interestingly, is the line’s spokesmodel, Taylor Momsen. If you don’t know, she is 16, was on Gossip Girl and plays in a band, the Pretty Reckless. The rest of the time, she parades nearly nude in stripper shoes (legitimate stripper shoes with a dollar slot, people) and thigh highs, sucking cigarettes, black eyeliner smudged on her sunken face. Courtney Love 4 Kidz, if you will.
Perhaps casting Momsen is a nod to Madonna’s glory years, the era when she could hitchhike with her boobs out and sell more records. Having Momsen tout the wholesome line is the best of both worlds.
Of course, age does weird things to everyone, not just Madge.
If you look real close, you’ll notice Momsen also had a former life.
The year was 2000. The film was How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
She was Cindy Lou Who.
Deal Diva Stephanie
Pictures: Macy's, AP