The new Snuggie: OnePiece Norwegian jumpsuit
Ladies and germs, we have BREAKING NEWS here at Deal Divas. Snuggies, Slankets and all other body warmers with sleeves are dead, pushing up the daisies with their lame siblings of yesteryear. But you knew that as soon as you saw the Snuggie Macarena commercial, didn't you? Those archaic, clicker-friendly fleece apparati have been replaced by the sexy new tenant in the apartment next door.
Behold, friends, the Norwegian OnePiece sweatsuit:
God almighty, isn't it a spectacle of GLORY? Hath thine eyes ever glimpsed such divine perfection? Can't you just imagine crawling into this, putting on some fuzzy socks, cracking open the Pinot Grigio and Triscuits and settling in for a twelve hour marathon of Keeping up with the Kardashians? I mean, COME ON.
Clearly, my first reaction was YESYESYESYESGODYESGIMMENOW! But I am a journalist, and as such, I had to slow down. There were questions to be asked, important information to glean before going through all the trouble of adding this to my Christmas list, or even worse, buying one sight unseen.
I decided to host a OnePiece question and answer session... with myself. Let us commence.
Q: Don't you think you'd regret ordering this?
A: Shut completely up. This is amazing.
Q: When's the last time you used your Snuggie?
A: That's different. It has really long sleeves, and my arms are short, and the fabric always falls in the French onion dip. And the butt hangs open like a hospital gown. It's not practical like the glorious OnePiece.
Q: How much does this tomfoolery cost?
A: 100 pounds, according to the website. Perfectly reasonable.
Q: How much is that in dollars?
A: You know, I won't be bullied like this. What do I look like, an Amscot?
Q: You should Google it. You're a working journalist. You don't have a lot of money.
A: Sure. OK. Fine, that's... let me just input the numbers and.... OH DEAR. $159.85. That is... wow. I...
Q: Cost notwithstanding, don't you know better? This thing would make you look like an Oompa Loompa. Barney. A DoDo bird. What else is round in the middle with skinny legs?
A: Well, look how adorable this blond model with the fishtail braid looks in the thing. Nobody's calling her a water fowl. And besides, no soul would see me in this. That's the point.
Q: Until you have to "run out real quick" for Chubby Hubby.
A: Come on, nobody dresses well at the grocery store. I would fit right in. You are not being especially revelatory right now.
Q: Fine then. Tell me. How exactly would you use the bathroom?
A: I... wow. Well played, conscience. Well played.
Deal Diva Stephanie