Sarah Jessica Parker wears expensive cloven hoof shoes, transforms into fashion cattle
Generally, toes are kind of ick, right? I mean, they're all separate and long and bulbous and splayed out. I always thought it might make more visual sense if we all had flat feet like in The Witches, since toes are so dumb-looking. Plus, mine are constantly freezing. Sub-zero. My boyfriend thinks I have deadly circulation problems and/or X-Men-like mutant tendencies. If he's right, maybe I could adopt a really cool superhero name like... like... ICELANDIA PHALANGELINA! She shatters flip-flops hi-and-lo by wielding frenzied frozen toe!
Ahem.
Anyway, toes look better inside shoes, so here's my question, for, oh, I don't know... SARAH JESSICA PARKER. Why wear shoes that create the appearance of TWO MASSIVE TOES? Siiiick.
Check out this link, if you dare. SJP strolled around New York Monday wearing freakish cloven boots by designer Martin Margiela. She looked like Bambi's mother. A Chick-Fil-A cow. A fetching centaur. A Seabiscuit. A... a... what else has hooves, Wikipedia? A PRONGHORN, a species of ungulate mammal native to interior western North America!
But hey, maybe you disagree. Maybe you totally love rocking the twotoe fatfoot. Maybe you admire SJP's special brand of crazy. Maybe you are auditioning for the part of Puck Bradshaw in your local community theater production of "A Midsummer Night's Square Pegs Footloose In The City." If so, feel free to buy Martin Margiela's red hoof heels here for a mere $435!!!
Sigh. Where are my slipper socks?
~ Deal Diva Stephanie
Photo: AP
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Katie Sanders foolishly spurned pretty dresses and shoes as a child, tossing new clothes over her shoulder at birthday parties with a totally rude "no, thank you." Her drab days of monocolor outfits are over now, and she certainly knows better than to turn down free stuff. Her wardrobe mixes classic with quirk. Think blazers with statement necklaces, and lots of patterned ballet flats. She can be reached at 850) 224-7263 or 
Kameel Stanley has never encountered a thrift store she didn’t like. Her mother taught her that the true value of clothes isn’t how much they cost, but how many outfits one can create from them. Having grown up in Michigan, she was delighted to learn upon moving to Florida that she almost never needed to wear socks or boots again. There’s a lot of turnover in her closet, and she’s obsessed with dresses, necklaces and wedge heels. She can be reached at (727) 893-8643 or 
A disciple of the little black dress classics school, Letitia Stein stretches her budget by looking for styles with staying power. She lives for 80 percent off shoes at DSW, floral sundresses and bohemian chic tops. She confesses to being a bit of a snob when it comes to handbags and jewelry. She can be reached at (813) 226-3400 or 
From camo pants and construction boots to sundresses, sweaters and sling backs, Keyonna Summers knows how to make all of it rock -- at rock bottom prices. A Detroit native, Keyonna delves into her urban roots to find fashion pairings that give a nod to street fashion while maintaining the class of the modern, professional woman. She believes in searching for affordable clothes that look expensive and can easily be dressed up or down. You won't find plaid shirts or fleece jackets in her closet; the only hiking Keyonna does is to the bargain basement. She can be reached at (727) 445-4153 or 
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