St. Patrick's Day fashion that doesn't abuse the chest
If you've hung around these parts for any length, you know we're not fans of Obligatory Holiday Shirts That Look Like Someone Set Up Shop And Threw A Carnival Across Your Breasts (OHSTLLSSUSATACAYB, for short). You know. They're usually $5-$10, sold at Target and Old Navy and Walmart. Santa leering from your gazongas at Christmas. Fireworks exploding across your bazooms on Independence Day. Cupid shooting an arrow down your lady hearts on Valentine's Day.
St. Patrick's Day is no exception. At Target, you can get this little number:
Guys, I can't even pretend to be diplomatic. I hate this. The back says, I'M NOT LUCKY I'M GOOD. Just like that. With no punctuation. And Mr. Lothario K. Shamrock on the the front is like your uncle's creepy friend who has had six too many Emerald Isle Martinis and insists he's Irish (even though you're pretty sure he's, like, some German mix), and says therefore you must kiss him.
Can we not be festive and leave the torso unscathed?
I'll be at the Ybor City St. Patrick's Day Parade Saturday with some friends and family. I'll pile on the beads and festive bracelets. I might even sport a wacky chapeau. But ladies, there are alternatives to wrapping your chesticles in four-leaf clovers. Green is a beautiful color that flatters almost every skin tone. It comes in so many different shades, prints, patterns. It makes eyes pop and hair look bright and shiny. Take advantage.
Look! In the very same Target stock, you can find this adorable green spring dress, on sale for $13.99! It's flowy, comfortable, allows for max consumption of Guinness. Drape a cute strand of shamrock beads around your neck. Perfect.
Or, wow. This is amazing, from H&M, $24.95. Add a cardigan and black tights and you could wear this to work long after you've woken up on your friend's couch with an empty Shamrock Shake cup near your head.
Old Navy has you covered, too. Do a quick turn from the wacky holiday tee table and grab this pretty pleated chiffon top for $22. It's pastel, one of this season's biggest trends. This could easily transition to an Easter picnic. It would also look cute with the felt leprechaun hat some stranger is sure to put on your head Saturday night. And you know what? That's fine.
Irish blessings and safe chestings, everyone.
Deal Diva Stephanie
Photos: Target, H&M, Old Navy
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Katie Sanders foolishly spurned pretty dresses and shoes as a child, tossing new clothes over her shoulder at birthday parties with a totally rude "no, thank you." Her drab days of monocolor outfits are over now, and she certainly knows better than to turn down free stuff. Her wardrobe mixes classic with quirk. Think blazers with statement necklaces, and lots of patterned ballet flats. She can be reached at 850) 224-7263 or 
Kameel Stanley has never encountered a thrift store she didn’t like. Her mother taught her that the true value of clothes isn’t how much they cost, but how many outfits one can create from them. Having grown up in Michigan, she was delighted to learn upon moving to Florida that she almost never needed to wear socks or boots again. There’s a lot of turnover in her closet, and she’s obsessed with dresses, necklaces and wedge heels. She can be reached at (727) 893-8643 or 
A disciple of the little black dress classics school, Letitia Stein stretches her budget by looking for styles with staying power. She lives for 80 percent off shoes at DSW, floral sundresses and bohemian chic tops. She confesses to being a bit of a snob when it comes to handbags and jewelry. She can be reached at (813) 226-3400 or 
From camo pants and construction boots to sundresses, sweaters and sling backs, Keyonna Summers knows how to make all of it rock -- at rock bottom prices. A Detroit native, Keyonna delves into her urban roots to find fashion pairings that give a nod to street fashion while maintaining the class of the modern, professional woman. She believes in searching for affordable clothes that look expensive and can easily be dressed up or down. You won't find plaid shirts or fleece jackets in her closet; the only hiking Keyonna does is to the bargain basement. She can be reached at (727) 445-4153 or 
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