What's worse than a turtleneck? Half a turtleneck
I was planning to tell you all about the new Kardashian Kollection (yes, spell-check, it's Kollection. Duh.) now available at Sears -- Leopard-print purses! Totes hawt bling! No-shame deep V's and skin-tight dresses! Trip-over-yourself heels! -- but then a co-worker suggested I take this on instead:
This, friends, is the dickey. The mullet of fall fashion. Business on the top, party on the bottom. And by "business," I mean creepy washed-up beatnik who owns a van and has a mustache.
Why does this exist? Aren't regular turtlenecks bad enough? Am I the only one who regards the ole' soft strangler as one of those unfortunate, but necessary, wardrobe staples? You know, for when you're 15 and just got a hickey at the end of a romantic night at Westshore Mall and now OMG Dad's going to KILL you. Or when you're a Florida wimp and the weather drops below 50. Or when... nope. Those are the only reasons I can think of.
Why, WHY, would you ever possibly need a truncated version? For those days when it's not quite cold enough to go full-bore, but you just HAVE to wrap that neck up? I don't get it. Hellooooo -- scarves!
Imagine wearing this, under a shirt or dress or (most likely) Mr. Rogers-style sweater vest crocheted with pictures of cats, all day. Nobody knowing it was all a farce. Sweat pooling around your collarbones but feeling breezy and cool down below. Just thinking about it weirds me out.
Deal Diva Kim