What's worse than a turtleneck? Half a turtleneck
I was planning to tell you all about the new Kardashian Kollection (yes, spell-check, it's Kollection. Duh.) now available at Sears -- Leopard-print purses! Totes hawt bling! No-shame deep V's and skin-tight dresses! Trip-over-yourself heels! -- but then a co-worker suggested I take this on instead:
This, friends, is the dickey. The mullet of fall fashion. Business on the top, party on the bottom. And by "business," I mean creepy washed-up beatnik who owns a van and has a mustache.
Why does this exist? Aren't regular turtlenecks bad enough? Am I the only one who regards the ole' soft strangler as one of those unfortunate, but necessary, wardrobe staples? You know, for when you're 15 and just got a hickey at the end of a romantic night at Westshore Mall and now OMG Dad's going to KILL you. Or when you're a Florida wimp and the weather drops below 50. Or when... nope. Those are the only reasons I can think of.
Why, WHY, would you ever possibly need a truncated version? For those days when it's not quite cold enough to go full-bore, but you just HAVE to wrap that neck up? I don't get it. Hellooooo -- scarves!
Imagine wearing this, under a shirt or dress or (most likely) Mr. Rogers-style sweater vest crocheted with pictures of cats, all day. Nobody knowing it was all a farce. Sweat pooling around your collarbones but feeling breezy and cool down below. Just thinking about it weirds me out.
Thoughts?
Deal Diva Kim
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Katie Sanders foolishly spurned pretty dresses and shoes as a child, tossing new clothes over her shoulder at birthday parties with a totally rude "no, thank you." Her drab days of monocolor outfits are over now, and she certainly knows better than to turn down free stuff. Her wardrobe mixes classic with quirk. Think blazers with statement necklaces, and lots of patterned ballet flats. She can be reached at 850) 224-7263 or 
Kameel Stanley has never encountered a thrift store she didn’t like. Her mother taught her that the true value of clothes isn’t how much they cost, but how many outfits one can create from them. Having grown up in Michigan, she was delighted to learn upon moving to Florida that she almost never needed to wear socks or boots again. There’s a lot of turnover in her closet, and she’s obsessed with dresses, necklaces and wedge heels. She can be reached at (727) 893-8643 or 
A disciple of the little black dress classics school, Letitia Stein stretches her budget by looking for styles with staying power. She lives for 80 percent off shoes at DSW, floral sundresses and bohemian chic tops. She confesses to being a bit of a snob when it comes to handbags and jewelry. She can be reached at (813) 226-3400 or 
From camo pants and construction boots to sundresses, sweaters and sling backs, Keyonna Summers knows how to make all of it rock -- at rock bottom prices. A Detroit native, Keyonna delves into her urban roots to find fashion pairings that give a nod to street fashion while maintaining the class of the modern, professional woman. She believes in searching for affordable clothes that look expensive and can easily be dressed up or down. You won't find plaid shirts or fleece jackets in her closet; the only hiking Keyonna does is to the bargain basement. She can be reached at (727) 445-4153 or 
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