Golden Globes red carpet recap: double-sided tape, women in tuxedos and cold shoulders
Everyone is talking about Meryl Streep today. No matter your side of the aisle, she turned attention toward issues and away from, "Is that belly skin or some weird power mesh that's just bunching?" That doesn't always happen at star-studded awards shows.
That said, I came here to talk about power mesh, and that's what I'm going to do. Before Streep parted the blue and red sea, a slew of celebs came off the ark wearing everything from custom tuxedos to enough double-sided boob tape to properly restore a historic building. Color continued to reign this year, although we saw the return of black as a strong choice. And, we were graced with Forever 21-style mall trends trickling onto the red carpet. Looking at you, chokers.
ONWARD TO THE SHALLOW DEPTHS!
Fantasy hour. If I was fortunate enough to be invited to a single awards show, I would definitely wear the most glamorous dress I could find. But, if I was so blessed as to snag invites to MULTIPLE awards shows, I would mix in a suit. A handful of red carpet walkers had the same instinct, including Evan Rachel Wood. She killed it up, down, left and right. Of this tribute to Victor Victoria and David Bowie, she made it clear she wasn't disparaging dresses. But, she said: "I wanted to make sure that young girls and women know that they aren’t a requirement and you don’t have to wear one if you don’t want to. And to just be yourself because your worth is more than that." The fit on this Altuzarra is DELICIOUS, though I yearn to see her feet.
Octavia Spencer's fit was a bit less successful (see: pants tugging and bunching), but she still looked relaxed and cool. Her hair, makeup and accessories were especially on the ball.
Kathryn Hahn would ask that you do not forget about her. The bralette is fun, but these pants also dine on her feet.
SHIMMER SPARKLE WOW
If the men in this picture would stop shooting finger guns at the camera for five seconds they would realize there is human perfection standing beside them in the form of Ruth Negga in a custom Louis Vuitton.
I liked Sarah Paulson's golden romp (also the title of my forthcoming memoirs) better on TV than in pictures today. Something about the wave illusion is swallowing her. However, every woman should have the opportunity to dress like a gold statuette, and the Oscars are an entirely too cliche place to do it.
I'll have whatever Priyanka Chopra and Sofia Vergara are having. And that is probably champagne.
Chrissy Teigen wore a pretty embellished Marchesa gown, and John Legend was fyne in Gucci. That's right, I said fyne.
This is Millie Bobby Brown's world and the rest of us, including these Stranger Things boys, are just living in it. They all look precious, though. Now, we get together and pray that none of them gets arrested, drops a pop single or starts a lifestyle blog.
This Lily Collins look caused havoc in my brain last night. I ping-ponged back and forth from loving it and thinking it was maybe too much, then wondering if maybe it was the combo of the lip, hair and dress TOGETHER that was too much, and maybe it would have fared better with a softer look up top, but then it wouldn't be so fashiony, which is no fun, and then I remembered that her dad is Phil Collins and I wondered how they get along, and what he's been up to lately, and then I got down a Wikipedia rabbit hole, and, well, here we are.
Claire Foy is very waifish and this dress is moden princess. Maybe slightly slumpy? If one more person tells me to watch The Crown... I just might do it.
My friend Summer came over yesterday and said she heard that the "cold shoulder" was OUT, and I didn't know what she meant. And then she explained that she read somewhere that a shoulder cutout sleeve is called a "cold shoulder" and that someone on the internet decided it was OUT. And I thought that was a real shame since I just bought a top with a shoulder cutout a month ago, and we agreed that the person on the internet was probably wrong. These ladies think that person was wrong, too. So does Sofia, above. True, Nicole Kidman and Sarah Jessica Parker look like they're going to sell mead at the Ren Faire, but the point about the shoulder trend remains made. Reese Witherspoon looks a little like someone who wandered into the wrong party, but she is wearing our next trend.
NOT MELLOW YELLOW
It's distracting how perfect her skin is, and this color is doing her every favor. Celebrating Viola Davis just feels so good.
Natalie Portman is pregnant, which, if you're Natalie Portman is no big deal because you have a great track record of looking great on red carpets while pregnant. I do wish this was a touch more modern. It looks like it came right off the set of Jackie, which is probably the point. It's just a tiny bit stiff.
Less successful yellow on Kerry Washington. The length is problematic, though she does appear ready to go into any battle that comes her way. Her lipstick is perfect.
SO MUCH TAPE
A very specific type of cleavage was in fashion this year, the kind flanked on either side by a deeeeeeeeeeeeeeep V. It's classy yet still makes everyone around you nervous because, NO, DON'T BEND OVER AND PICK UP THAT MOET WRAPPER, LET ME. Justin Timberlake doesn't seem to mind it on Jessica Biel. Side note: These two spent the Seacrest interview gently touching each other and it made me think perhaps they are really in love. Win one for love.
Number one crush Mandy Moore combined a deep V with a cape, because this is her comeback and nobody will tell her not to.
On high-def TV, Kristen Bell's girls looked a little painted-on. Here, they look sleek. Also, she is a person and not an Italian classic car, so, I'm gonna stop talking about her like this.
HEY, THAT'S NEW
Olivia Culpo's Zuhair Murad is breathtaking, original, cool. The neckline, the skirt, the scene of what appears to be a happy, thriving, vibrant village in some country other than this one. It's memorable, and a winner.
Imagined phone call with Janelle Monáe and her stylist: “I want to be polka dots. Mm hmm. No, I don’t want to wear polka dots. I want to BE polka dots. I want to be the living embodiment of a dot. If a dot had a soul and a shoe budget, that’s me. What? Yes. Dots. I don’t know, you’ll figure it out."
THE 90S CALLED
Look, if anyone didn't expect to be at the 2017 Golden Globes, it was probably Winona Ryder. But, blessings, she has had made an epic comeback and deserves all the love she gets. That said, she looks... out of practice. Shoulders back! Throw on a necklace! You are special and great and it's time for you to believe! Don't ever let the Heathers win!
Drew Barrymore is one of those people you don't realize you miss until she's gone, and then she shows back up in a flowy white thing with a COLD SHOULDER (see above) making these kinds of faces and generally being charming, and it's like no time passed at all. P.S. - I saw a press screener of her new show where she eats people and it is SUPER weird, but also maybe great?
Busy Phillips and Michelle Williams are the girls who formed a Breeders cover band in college and would never talk to you despite your eight calls a day to the apartment main line.
OTHER RANDOM THOUGHTS
The stars are jovial and very La La Land, but Emma Stone looks better in color.
There was apparently some drama behind Chrissy Metz's dress. The This Is Us star was planning to work with Christian Siriano for the Globes, but apparently switched to this purple Nathan Paul. Siriano says here, basically, that she had too many cooks in the pot eroding her confidence. Shame. The color is pretty, but she is 36 and vibrant and and this looks kind of David's Bridal.
Very iconic Amy Adams. Sleek, simple. Maybe not the most memorable thing she's ever done, but certainly a win.
YASSSSSSS, Issa Rae.
I've had mixed feelings on this all night, and have come to the following conclusion. I was listening to the Dear Sugar advice podcast last week, and someone wrote in asking, essentially, should I go meet up with this dreamy guy I know in Sicily even though I know it will lead nowhere? And the answer from host Cheryl Strayed was, like, HURRY, GO NOW, YOU ARE YOUNG AND LIFE WAITS FOR NO MAN. I feel that way when I see this dress on Hailee Steinfeld. It's maybe a little twee, sugary and over the top, but YOU ARE 20, HURRY, GO NOW AND WEAR PURPLE TULLE, LIFE WAITS FOR NO MAN.
Crepe paper? Brains? More and more, I think Carrie Underwood is taking the wacky torch from Heidi Klum. It's actually a little thrilling.
I got Anna Kendrick's book for Christmas (signed, thanks, Mom!), generally enjoy her as a person and an actor. This puzzling neckline is way too Salvador Dali, though, and she seems sad.
Felicity Jones won top prize in the Zooey Deschanel lookalike contest.
I'm not really familiar with Trace Lysette. Apparently she was on Transparent. But while looking through the pictures, I kept stopping at this glorious green number that she appears to be sewn into. Her hair and makeup is also perfect. Well-played, props, snaps, all that!
SOME BONUS GUYS
Brown velvet is for winners. Donald Glover knows.
Pharrell Williams' look feels like what one would wear when one is about to be knighted at the end of a Disney movie, or Spaceballs. Helen Lasichanh had a really cool Chanel bag, though, so it's all fine.
Sterling K. Brown in a blue shawl-collar tux that FITS. His wife, Ryan Michelle Bathe, is no slouch either. Most confident couple award.