My lip stain lasted through a dentist's appointment and now I'm the presidential frontrunner
I used to be just like anyone else: tired, hungry, happy enough, quasi-diabetic, convinced Larry in accounting was out to kill me, the last living heir of a Norweigan dynasty, itchy. I was just as normal as any of you. The thing about being a hero is sometimes you don't know what you're doing is heroism. You don't know you're about to become a hero. But that all changed this morning, and nothing will ever be the same.
Because I wore lipstick to the dentist, and it's still on my face.
It all started innocently enough. I woke up, I pet my dog, I washed my hands, dogs are filthy. I showered and dressed for my early-morning dentist appointment. I have a tooth, bottom right, that's been speaking out of turn.
Now, I don't typically wear lipstick, because it requires maintenance throughout the day and I have things to do, like beat my high score on cell phone sudoku. But unbeknownst to me, the universe was tilting in a new direction, propelling me toward triumph. Unwittingly, I thought, "Hey, this outfit could use a little color. Maybe I should put some lip stuff on."
I found a little tube of said lip stuff inside the mirror cabinet in my apartment bathroom. It was pink, in a tube, with a black twist-off cap. I didn't remember purchasing it. Perhaps a friend had given it to me as gift? Had it arrived in an Ipsy bag of yore?
It was only later that I'd come to believe it had been dropped in a tiny, lip-stain-sized basket of reeds and prodded gently down the river, a lipstick Baby Moses.
In the dentist's chair, I had my doubts. I wondered why I had put lip stuff on at all. I considered wiping it off. It was an act of fate that I didn't.
For you see, after 30 minutes of X-rays, tooth-poking, and "wider, please"s, I returned to my car and checked my rear view mirror only to see the miracle: My lip stuff had lasted through the dentist's appointment, and my life would be forever changed.
Was it perfect? Are you perfect? No, you trash bag.
Look: Some are born great. Some achieve greatness.
Others wear lipstick to the dentist.
P.S. It was City Color Creamy Lip Stain in "Flirtini," go buy it, peace!!