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In the Year of the Rear, Kim Kardashian is the Juice*’s 2015 Person of the Year

It was a banner year for Kim Kardashian, and for her keister. Big Kim married her ego equal in hip-hop artist Kanye West while Lil Kim, the celebrity’s Rubenesque rump, graced the cover of Paper magazine. In one photo, the dexterous derrière balances a champagne glass in the re-creation of a famous photo. We raise a toast to that, Lil Kim.

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It was a banner year for Kim Kardashian, and for her keister. Big Kim married her ego equal in hip-hop artist Kanye West while Lil Kim, the celebrity’s Rubenesque rump, graced the cover of Paper magazine. In one photo, the dexterous derrière balances a champagne glass in the re-creation of a famous photo. We raise a toast to that, Lil Kim.

The stockings are hung, the Festivus pole installed, and this year’s embodiment of all that is wrong with celebrity culture has been crowned. To be named The Juice* Person of the Year, one need not be the most famous celebrity, and certainly not the most talented. In fact, the winner isn't necessarily the most controversial, either. All one must do is serve as the face of indignity.

Therefore, Kim Kardashian at long last has been elected into the Juice* Hall of Shame.

In this, our eighth glorious and ignominious year in review, we can no longer deny Kim K. her 15 minutes in the spotlight of disrepute. Let’s face it, 2014 was a big year for Kim, mainly because 2014 was All About That Bass. Nicki Minaj blew up Twitter with her twerktastic VMAs performance. Iggy Azalea shook her comparable Booty alongside Jennifer Lopez. Rihanna wore that naked dress, and Miley Cyrus stormed Tampa Bay with a bruised beach-bum Instagram that will forever be burned into our brains. …

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Ashlee Simpson and Evan Ross are having a baby

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These two don’t mess around!

Ashlee Simpson Ross and new husband Evan Ross are expecting their first child together, People reports.

The 30-year-old singer and her Hunger Games actor beau started dating in the summer of 2013, got married earlier this year, and now they’re giving Diana Ross her third grandchild. It all sounds exhausting, but the news should come as no surprise.

“I would love to [have kids],” Evan, 26, told Us Weekly last month at the premiere for The Hunger Games Mockingjay — Part 1. “As many as possible.”

He already has a year of practice under his belt, stepping up as step-dad to 6-year-old Bronx, Ashlee’s son with her first husband, Fall Out Boy rocker Pete Wentz.

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Kris, Bruce Jenner finally divorce

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After 23 years of captivity, Bruce Jenner has escaped. The Olympic gold medalist has finalized his divorce from momager of the Kardashian empire, Kris Jenner.

A Los Angeles judge on Tuesday signed off on the couple’s divorce judgment, the Associated Press reports. The agreement says Kris Jenner must pay her estranged husband $2.5 million. Bonus!

The couple had been married since 1991 and have two daughters together. You know the ones.

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Madonna: Leaking my music is 'artistic rape'

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“This is artistic rape!! These are early leaked demo’s half of which wont even make it on my album the other half have changed and evolved. This is a form of terrorism. Wtf!!!! Why do people want to destroy artistic process??? Why steal? Why not give me the opportunity to finish and give you my very best?”

That's what Madonna wrote in response to a version of her yet-to-be-announced 2015 album being leaked online. The 56-year-old singer called the songs “unfinished demos stolen long ago,” writing in an Instagram post on Wednesday that the music is “not ready to be presented to the world.” She then thanked her loyal fans for not listening, though we’d guess they were the first to do so.

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British man pays $150,000 to look like Kim Kardashian

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$150,000.

That’s how much a British man named Jordan James Parke paid plastic surgeons to make him look like Kim Kardashian. Some of what he had done: chin filler, Botox and eyebrow tattooing. Parke also had his lips filled over 50 times, and it shows.

“I absolutely love everything about Kim Kardashian. I think she’s everyone’s guilty pleasure,” the 23-year-old makeup artist recently told The Sun newspaper. “For me, she is the most gorgeous woman ever. Her skin is perfect, her hair is perfect — everything about her is perfect. There’s no one I’d rather look like.”

Well, we think the facial technicians did a pretty good job, considering how artificial this guy looks.

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Thanks to 'Interview' threats, Paramount cancels 'Team America' screenings

Paramount Pictures

Something glorious happened in the wake of Sony Pictures canceling the Christmas Day release of The Interview, after hackers threatened a 9/11-style attack: Theaters across the U.S. decided to screen the 2004 North Korea-themed comedy Team America: World Police instead.

Take that, censorship!

But don’t get too excited. Just as the good news began to circulate, the terrorists, once again, ruined all the fun. Or, you know, Paramount Pictures did.

The studio decided it too had zero desire to be held responsible for any potentially violent blacklash, so it contacted theaters planning to screen the film and told them to pull the plug.

Says the Twitter account of the Plaza Theater in Atlanta: “Team America: World Police pulled from all theatres as per Paramount Pictures.”

Several other theaters made similar announcements throughout the day on Thursday.

Sony said in a statement Wednesday that does not plan to release The Interview in the future, either in theaters or via on-demand.

Team America: World Laughingstock.

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Jim Bob Duggar says petition to cancel '19 Kids and Counting' has only helped

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Not only will a petition to cancel 19 Kids and Counting fail, according to the reality show’s patriarch Jim Bob Duggar, but it has given the family even more exposure.

The change.org petition, which urges TLC to cancel the show over the political views of the Duggar family, particularly their comments against LGBT rights, currently has more than 180,000 signatures. But Jim Bob isn’t worried, mainly because a Defend the Duggars petition on LifeSiteNews was approaching 210,000 signatures Wednesday night.

According to E! Online, Duggar said during a speech at Hannibal-LaGrange University last month, “Our show is the No. 1 show on TLC. We love everybody. It’s a small group creating this fuss. All it has done is give us more exposure. We’ve gained 50,000 Facebook fans last week.” He added, “God is expanding our borders through the national media.”

The hubbub started back in August when Michelle Duggar recorded a robocall campaigning against an anti-discrimination ordinance in Arkansas. The call said the measure would allow “males with past child predator convictions that claim they are female to have a legal right to enter private areas that are reserved for women and girls.” …

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'7th Heaven' actor Stephen Collins confesses to molesting minors

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Man, you can’t even trust fictional priests these days. Stephen Collins, who played a pastor and father on 7th Heaven, has admitted to sexually abusing three young girls.

Collins acknowledged “inappropriate sexual contact” with three minors between 1973 and 1994, People reports. The actor penned an essay to be published in the mag’s upcoming issue.

Collins said he had done “something terribly wrong” but said the accusations made against him in recent months go “far beyond” the truth. In October, TMZ released an audio recording of Collins admitting to child molestation. The actor has confirmed that it is his voice on the recording. …

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Hayden Panettiere welcomes daughter with fiance Wladimir Klitschko

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Time to Google “baby boxing gloves” because Hayden Panettiere’s firstborn with heavyweight champion Wladimir Klitschko has finally arrived.

The 25-year-old Nasvhille star welcomed daughter Kaya Evdokia on Tuesday, her rep tells Us Weekly. Kaya weighed in at a healthy 7 lbs., 14 oz., measuring 20 inches.

“We are over the moon and madly in love!” the proud parents tell People.

The Heroes alum announced her pregnancy during an ALS Ice Bucket Challenge and revealed the baby’s sex on the Emmys red carpet in August.

“I accept my ALS Challenge,” the Remember the Titans alum said in a video Derek Hough posted on Instagram. “I renominate Kacey Musgraves — you’re not getting out of this, Wladimir Klitschko, and my unborn child.”

Just last month Panettiere gushed about seeing pink.

“I’m thrilled that I am having a girl first because I feel like I know a lot about raising a strong woman,” she told Hello magazine. “I feel very empowered myself and I think my daughter will, too.”

This is the first child for the couple, who announced their engagement in October. …

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Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick welcome baby No. 3

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What a surprise it must have been for little Mason Disick to find out he will forever have to share his birthday with a little brother. Yes, Kourtney Kardashian welcomed her third child with longtime boyfriend Scott Disick on Sunday, the same day their eldest turned 5. Happy birthday, kid.

“The family is freaking out with joy,” a source told E! News. “What an amazing coincidence.”

Kardashian, the December/January cover model for Fit Pregnancy magazine, said she’s ready to take on baby No. 3 with no help.

“I’m not getting a baby nurse,” she told the mag. “I take two months off and no one is allowed to bother me or talk to me about anything work-related — or maybe three months this time.”

A mother’s sacrifice.

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Angelina Jolie calls out sick for 'Unbroken' premiere

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While Brad Pitt and kids attend the premiere the Angelina Jolie-directed film Unbroken, Angie herself likely will be cozied up in her PJs.

Universal Pictures said Friday that Jolie is suffering from “a mild bout of the chicken pox” that will keep her from making public appearances for the next few days. Pitt and the kids will represent her at the premiere in Los Angeles on Monday, the studio said, adding that Jolie is “in very good spirits.”

The actress put on her best sick face in a YouTube video in which she explains to fans far and wide why she’ll be absent.

“I will be home itching and missing everyone,” she says in the video. “I can’t believe it, because this film means so much to me… But such is life. There it is.”

Weird timing, seeing as how some pretty harsh statements were made about her in private Sony emails made public by hackers last week. The sick call also comes on the heels of Angie being snubbed by the Screen Actors Guild and Golden Globe Awards.

To be fair, you can see Jolie’s chicken pox in the video, so maybe she isn’t faking. And if she is, she’s more than just “minimally talented.”

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Angelina Jolie is a 'minimally talented, spoiled brat,' producer's hacked email says

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This just isn't Angelina Jolie's week. Not only was the A-lister snubbed by the Screen Actors Guild on Wednesday, but she also was told, via hacked email, that she’s a “minimally talented spoiled brat.”

A rant-filled email chain between big-budget producer Scott Rudin (Social Network, Moneyball) and Sony Picture Entertainment co-chairwoman Amy Pascal was obtained by Gawker and published on Tuesday. In the emails, Rudin and Pascal discuss who will direct a Cleopatra movie Jolie will star in. Jolie demanded David Fincher. Only problem: He was set to direct Rudin’s Steve Jobs biopic.

Writes Rudin: “She’ll survive it. I don’t want to waste my time on this,” adding, “YOU BETTER SHUT ANGIE DOWN BEFORE SHE MAKES IT VERY HARD FOR DAVID TO DO JOBS.”

When that didn’t work, Rudin went on, “I’m not destroying my career over a minimally talented spoiled brat who thought nothing of shoving this off her plate for eighteen months so she could go direct a movie… She’s a camp event and a celebrity and that’s all and the last thing anybody needs is to make a giant bomb with her that any fool could see coming.” …

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Keira Knightley is pregnant

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It’s an exciting time for Keira Knightley. Just hours after the actress was nominated for a Golden Globe, Page Six confirmed that she’s pregnant — via anonymous sources, not some other creepy method, just to clarify.

The 29-year-old Imitation Game star and lover of very tight dresses was spotted wearing a billowy number at the Moët British Independent Spirit Awards on Sunday night, so obviously that means she must be with child. The whispers really got going when oglers noticed that she didn’t drink a sip of the event’s free-flowing champagne.

This will be Knightley’s first child with her husband, Klaxons rocker James Righton. But don’t you worry, guys and gals, for you’ll always have that Topless Photo For a Cause by which to remember her pre-baby figure.

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Kate Hudson ends engagement to Muse guitarist Matt Bellamy

Here they are looking miserable together on Nov. 21.

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Here they are looking miserable together on Nov. 21.

Here’s how to lose a guy in four years: never see him and then let a Dancing With the Stars pro into your yoga pants. That’s how the engagement between Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy seems to have come to its very slow end.

A rep for the Muse guitarist says the two are still friends, despite the fact that Hudson has apparently rebounded with Derek Hough.

“Kate and Matt have been separated for some time now,” the rep told People on Tuesday. “Despite this, they remain very close friends and committed co-parents.”

The couple started dating in 2010 and welcomed son Bingham “Bing” Hawn Bellamy in July 2011, a few months after getting engaged. The pair considered ending their long-distance relationship in February — he was living in England, she was in L.A. — but, after spending time apart, decided in March to work it out. In July, Hudson told the ladies of The View that she felt married, since she was living with Bellamy, who was helping raise Bing and son Ryder, 10, from her previous marriage to Black Crowes singer Chris Robinson. …

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Report: Floyd Mayweather witnessed rapper Earl Hayes kill himself and VH1 star Stephanie Moseley via FaceTime

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Rapper Earl Warren Hayes and his estranged wife were trying to reconcile and she was optimistic about their chances only days before Hayes killed her and committed suicide, a police detective said Tuesday.

The bodies of Hayes, 34, and 30-year-old Stephanie Elyse Moseley were found Monday morning inside their Park La Brea unit in Los Angeles's Fairfax district after neighbors reported hearing gunshots and a woman screaming.

Hayes was an acquaintance of professional boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. and police have asked to interview him following media reports that he may have spoken to Hayes before the murder-suicide, homicide Detective Scott Masterson said.

TMZ reports that the fighter witnessed the incident via FaceTime and pleaded with Hayes not to kill Moseley.

“We know that there’s a relationship there,” Masterson said. “If he has anything significant to add to the investigation, we want to know.”

Two attorneys for Mayweather said that they had not heard from the boxer. He was due in San Antonio for a fight on Friday.

Moseley was a dancer and actress who appeared in the VH1 cheerleader drama Hit the Floor. …

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