$1 million eBay photo proves Nicolas Cage is a vampire
In case you didn't know, Nicolas Cage is actually a vampire, and as proof you can buy a photograph proving it for a mere $1 million. Or just watch Ghost Rider and deduce only immortals can somehow trick Hollywood into letting him work after that one.
A goofy eBay auction is currently running touting a photo from 1870 of a man truly bearing a creepy resemblance to the actor: "Original c.1870 carte de visite showing a man who looks exactly like Nick Cage," the listing reads. "Personally, I believe it's him and that he is some sort of
walking undead / vampire, et cetera, who quickens / reinvents himself once every 75 years or so. 150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult, or a talk show host."
In case you're dubious, the lister wants you to know "This is not a trick photo of any kind and has not been manipulated in Photoshop or any other graphics program. It's an original photo of a man who lived in Bristol, TN sometime around the Civil War." He also notes in a Q&A that his "theory is that he allows himself to age to a certain point, maybe 70, 80 or so, then the actor 'Nicolas Cage' will 'die'... but in reality, the undead vampire 'Nicolas Cage' will have rejuvenated himself and appeared in some other part of the world, young again, and ready to start all over."
He is willing to give a refund if Cage does die, thus proving he's not a vampire, but only if you can produce a body. Wow, $1 million is a steal for such proof of the vampire legend -- and expedited shipping is only $2.75, too!