Heidi Montag can't move her face after plastic surgery
Okay, okay, we know we said we'd stop writing about Heidi Montag, but peep this: The girl is such a case study in a narcissism that she told Access Hollywood she can't even move her face after her 10-procedure ordeal. And don't forget her new face almost killed her. Kids, be proud of what your mamas gave ya.
"I had too much Demerol like Michael Jackson did," she tells Access Hollywood's Billy Bush. "My breathing was five breaths per minute, which is, like, almost dead."
Bush later implies that she's rejecting God's creation by trying out for Face/Off 2, but the outspoken Christian plays it off, saying "Or maybe God gave me extra because he knew what I would be doing." She goes on to yammer about how she wanted to fix her broken nose and Jay Leno chin, and yada yada yada.
The highlight is when Bush asks her to move her face, which her doctor says is still swollen from the surgery and not an accurate representation of her final look. She can barely move that plasteel visage she now calls a face.
"I feel pretty plastic," she says. "It's still hard for me to chew sometimes and I have to speak very quietly because my jaw and everything -- I'm still readjusting to talking."
We say if she were completely unable to talk, that would be concrete proof there is a God.