Herbert Kornfeld, dead
For those of you have followed the exploits of Herbert Kornfeld, leader of the Accountz Receevable posse at Midstate Office Supply, over the years, you'll no doubt be shocked to hear The Onion has declared him dead, dead, dead ...
Herbert F. Kornfeld, 34, was an alleged accounting gang leader considered by law enforcement to be a key player in a series of ongoing office worker turf wars. He was found dead Monday morning in the third-floor copy room of Midstate Office Supply, his employer of 12 years.
This is a sad day for all office supply workers. As reader (and namesake) H-Dawg writes, "let peace be known forever, in Herbert Kornfeld's name."