Madonna marrying Jesus Luz, kabbalah-style

Because we all know Madonna would shrivel up and fade away lest she get in the tabloids one every three days, rumor has it she's soon to get married, kabbalah-style, toboy-toy Jesus Luz. Because that really could happen, don'tcha know.

Tbd-jesusluz051509 "The kabbalah ceremony will link up my son Jesus Luz and Madonna only confirms that he is extremely happy," Jesus' dad Luis Heitor Pinto da Luz tells Brazil's Quem magazine (via the New York Daily News). But don't buy a wedding gift just yet. "I don't know if there will, in fact, be a real marriage between Madonna and my son. It will be a type of ritual, but I do not know kabbalah (or if the ceremony) will have legal validity."

That's pretty weak, Madge. But there should be some kind of recognition for everything the stallion has done for you, yes? Luis says Jesus has been living in her Central Park West apartment and has been helping with the chirruns.

"She has small children, and Jesus helps her out with various tasks involving all of them," Luis says. "He plays ball with the kids. Jesus has charisma and loves children."

Maybe that's because at 22, he still identifies with them.

[Photo: Getty Images]

[Last modified: Tuesday, May 25, 2010 10:35am]

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