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Sip your Juice* Sunday, place your bets now



Tbdjonstewartnew022208 We're taking the day off on Friday because we'll be kinda-sorta live-blogging the Jon Stewart-hosted ceremony live Sunday night. If, for some inexplicable reason, you’re actually surfing the Web while watching the Oscars, come check us out. Why you’d care what we think is anyone’s guess, but be sure to check in at some point to see us poke fun at any number of things. Here’s the latest line on your celebwatch (feel free to take over/unders):

• Number of “I drink your milkshake” jokes: 7

• References to teen pregnancy: 5

• References to celeb pregnancy: 12

Tbdkeiraknightley • Times Keira Knightley jokingly called “fat”: 2

• Times Keira Knightley “uses the bathroom” during the show: 6

• Mentions of Javier Bardem’s three-way with Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson in the upcoming Vicky Christina Barcelona: 27

• Percentage of viewing audience who will wathc the film editing and sound editing awards just to see if The Bourne Ultimatum won something: 70

• Ensuing references to Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon: 2

• Number of Academy members who can coherently explian why The Diving Bell and the Butterfly isn’t up for best foreign language film or best picture: 0

Tbdtildaswinton022208 • Times androgynous actress Tilda Swinton is mistaken for beautiful man: 3

• Times androgynous actress Tilda Swinton is mistaken for beautiful woman: 3

• Number of Tilda Swinton’s movies The Juice* has seen since 2000: 6 (this is true, not a wager)

• Fake accents adopted by presenters as tribute to Daniel Day-Lewis: 4

• Jokes Stewart makes to the writers strike being “no big deal”: 17

• Number of musical performances the home audience will sit through before getting bored and flipping through channels: 1/2

• Anti-depressants taken by the Academy while trying to decide between There Will Be Blood, Atonement and No Country For Old Men on the winner for best picture: 683

Tbdellenpage022208 • Percentage of Academy voters who voted for Juno to win best picture: 5

• Percentage of Academy voters who secretly want Juno to win best picture: 85

• Percentage of Juice* staffers who want Juno to win best picture: 100

• Chances anybody will ever want to go to the movies again if they make a sequel to The Hottie and the Nottie: 1 in a million

• Chances they actually will make a sequel to The Hottie and the Nottie, despite the "film" only making about $25,000 on its opening weekend: 1 in 10

See you Sunday at 8 p.m., folks!

[Last modified: Tuesday, May 25, 2010 9:35am]


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