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They are remaking Jean-Claude Van Damme's 'Bloodsport'

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Let's all step back and take a deep breath before this next announcement. Ready? One of the projects coming out of Cannes this week is a remake of 1988's seminal masterpiece, Jean-Claude Van Damme's Bloodsport. That's okay, just close your eyes and keep breathing.

Perhaps the greatest martial arts flick to come out of the 1980s, the alleged life story of Frank Dux will be directed by Salt's Phillip Noyce and written by The Fifth Element's Robert Mark Kamen, according to ScreenDaily.com. The original's producer, Mark DiSalle, will be exec on this one, according to the item from American Psycho producer Ed Pressman. The story will follow an American who leaves the war in Afghanistan and goes to Brazil for a martial arts contest.

The rest is just details, because there is absolutely no need to remake this one. None at all. Who cares that the Dux story is entirely suspect and the acting is horrible (even from a young Forest Whitaker)? It had kung fu staple Bolo Yeung and the guy who played Ogre in Revenge of the Nerds, plus a fat sumo guy snapping some monkey style dude in half. The Juice* says good day, sir!

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[Last modified: Tuesday, May 17, 2011 5:24pm]

    

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