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Tom Cruise may be marrying Scientologist ex-girlfriend, apparently

18

July

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Don't cry for Tom Cruise after his breakup from Katie Holmes, because he apparently already has another wife in the pipeline, according to the National Enquirer. Besides, you should be saving those tears for poor Suri, anyway.

The rag says the Church of Scientology may be matching up Tom for a sham marriage with his old flame Yolanda Pecoraro. If that name sounds at all familiar, it's because Andrew Morton's hack job book Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography mentions Pecoraro as someone Cruise dated after meeting her at the 2004 opening of a Scientology center in Spain.  Because she's a Scientologist, see, so it's a lock, right?

As proof of this, the Enquirer asked Pecoraro if that part was true, practically stiff-arming her live-in boyfriend to get her to say, "Yes, I knew and still know Tom Cruise. And no, I'm not married or engaged."

This is obviously a conspiracy to make the thrice-married Cruise find a wife that sticks, so who better than the 27-year-old Yolanda? Seriously, he even paid for some of her Scientology courses at the Hollywood Celebrity Centre, you guys! He'll probably divorce her when she turns 33, though.

"With the embarrassment his divorce has caused the church, they want to stabilize the situation quickly," a source credited only as a former member of the church said. "They also want to show that Tom has rebounded fast and that his new wife is beautiful and steeped in Scientology. If the church decides to make Yolanda Tom's next wife, they'd certainly want her to have a child soon. So she could quickly be going from her modest apartment to a mansion in Beverly Hills with a baby on the way. And there's little doubt she'd do what's best for the church."

Hey Juice*heads, have you ever stopped to think this whole TomKat thing is really about two parents with different religious backgrounds who work all the time finally realizing there was nothing to their marriage anymore and splitting up? Of course you did, but surely that's not the case here, because that's no fun. Next week: Tom Cruise bathes in the blood of 6-year-old girls ... AND SURI'S NEXT!

[Photo: Getty Images]

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[Last modified: Wednesday, July 18, 2012 4:51pm]

    

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