Janet Jackson is already married to Wissam Al Mana
There’s been a lot of chatter about Janet Jackson getting married to Qatari billionaire Wissam Al Mana soon, but it happened faster than anyone knew. Because they’re already married and no one noticed, see. That’s not a good way to clean up on wedding gifts.
“The rumours regarding an extravagant wedding are simply not true,” the couple said in a statement to Entertainment Tonight (note the Eurospelling there). “Last year we were married in a quiet, private, and beautiful ceremony.
“Our wedding gifts to one another were contributions to our respective favourite children’s charities. We would appreciate that our privacy is respected and that we are allowed this time for celebration and joy. With love, Wissam and Janet”
Well heck, there’s no dirt to be had there at all. We’ll just have to imagine some wacky details to fill the vacuum. Hey, did you hear they got married on a spaceship filled with tigers genetically engineered to have Pegasus wings, and they ate endangered sea turtle eggs boiled in orphans’ tears? You’ve heard it now.