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Oh, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West got married this weekend?

Perhaps you may not have heard that a very private but not so secret wedding took place over the weekend. And, if that’s the case, it must be one really nice rock you’re living under.

Yes, finally, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are married. So that should mean the extravaganza and all the detes will stop clogging our feeds now, right? Rrright.

Here’s how the mega spectacle unfolded over the weekend:

After a pre-wedding brunch at Valentino Garavani’s Chateau de Wideville, where King Louis XIV used to keep a mistress, the couple was greeted by costumed guards at the Palace of Versailles, where they hosted their rehearsal dinner on Friday night.

It was in the famous Hall of Mirrors. Ugh. Money we’ll never have.

Lana Del Rey performed as guests sipped on $6,000 bottles of champagne, and the night ended with a fireworks display, the Daily Mail reports.

Guests were then flown from Paris to Florence, Italy, on private jets.

Kanye was the first to arrive at the venue on Saturday, making sure that all the details, which he had a large role in planning, were up to snuff. Kim showed up in a black Mercedes a while later, accompanied by her 78-year-old grandmother, Mary Jo, who, like her granddaughter, has been married thrice.

Kim’s sisters followed right behind in their own fleet of black luxury vehicles.

That evening, Kim and her rapper beau exchanged vows at the historic Forte di Belvedere in what E! News calls an “intimate ceremony attended by “the couple’s nearest and dearest.” That would be 600 people, minus Beyonce and Jay Z.

Scandal. But we’ll get to that later.

The multi-million dollar sunset ceremony was held on a hilltop overlooking the city, where the couple was shielded by a 20-foot wall of white roses and peonies.

Kim’s gown was a mermaid-silhouette with lace detail, custom-made by Givenchy, who also designed a white dress for 11-month-old daughter North. Kanye chose a Givenchy suit.

Kim’s bridesmaids — sisters Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall and Kylie — wore white mismatched gowns, while the groomsmen — sans Kanye’s best pal Jay Z — donned black.

After proud dad Bruce Jenner walked Kim down the aisle, Andrea Bocelli serenaded the couple with several songs, including Con te Partiro, and John Legend rocked the reception with hits Ordinary People and All of You.

Guests dined on traditional Italian cuisine, all of it pink. The meal included chicken, salmon, steak, tortelloni, strawberry gelato and rose and gold Armand de Brignac champagne. The 7-foot, seven-tier white sponge cake was decorated with white icing and filled with fruit layers, according to People, and the couple capped the evening with a dance under the stars during another elaborate fireworks display.

Guests included Chrissy Teigen, rapper Common, Vogue’s Andre Leon Talley, magician David Blaine (weird), designer Rachel Roy, founder of the Pussycat Dolls, Robin Antin, and Kim’s best buds LaLa Anthony and Brittny Gastineau.

Rumor has it Justin Bieber was riding in one of the 20 packed SUVs that entered the venue, which explains half of the huge crowd that wasted their day standing around outside the fort. Oh, and word is Kylie was spotted making out with Jaden Smith at the reception, so we guess they’re really a thing now.

As for Bey and Jay, no one seems to know why they didn’t show up. But Beyonce posted a no-makeup selfie on Instagram around the time of the nuptials, which led the Internet to believe she was trying to steal the show.

Clearly, she didn’t

Brother Rob Kardashian also was a no-show, despite being in Paris just before the wedding. Seems he had a blowup with the family right before the ceremony.

“Rob said he was sickened by Kim and Kanye’s display of wealth and clothes and beauty and called it 'superficial bullshit,’ ” a source tells X17. “But Kim was pissed that Rob hadn’t made an effort to drop any weight over the past few months.

“Rob basically thinks Kim cares about him only for his appearance and he said he’d 'make life easier’ for her and just leave.”

We’re sure she cried about it.

It's finally over.

Getty Images

It's finally over.

[Last modified: Sunday, May 25, 2014 11:49pm]

    

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