In a bald-faced move to spark ratings, ABC will release the name of its latest celebrity hoofers on Dancing With the Stars Sunday throughout its prime time shows, announced by host Tom Bergeron.

Expect the same lineup of has-beens and wanna-bes; rumored names include celebrity train wreck Denise Richards (left) and singer Jewel. Celebrities have to be in a funny place to make this a good career move -- traditional names needing a boost and peripheral personalities looking for a ticket to Entertainment Tonight thrive here.

But readers on TV.com already have chosen the bold-faced name they most wanted to see twirling beneath the mirror ball: ex-con ex-heavyweight champ Mike Tyson.

After visions of Tyson taking an ear off crotchety judge Len Goodman faded, I got to thinking: Who else would make for an exciting season on TV’s hokiest dance contest? My choices, with explanations:

Dick Cheney — The drama of having a team of cardiac specialists on standby will make Misty May-Treanor’s tendon rupture look like small potatoes.

Christian Bale — Imagine the quotes Bergeron will get when Bruno hands the volcanic Batman star his first 6 score.

Mr. T -- I pity the fool who don't . . . oh well, you get the joke.

Tom Daschle — Now that his tax problems have forced him out of Obama cabinet, he’s got time on his hands. And we know he’s got a few IRS bills to pay.

American Idol’s bikini girl — Consider it an experiment to see just how many minutes of fame a skimpy swimsuit and pathologically self-centered personality will earn.

Steve-O — Actually, rumor has it the Jackass star, who spent time in a mental institution last year, is actually in the new cast. Sometimes, TV just writes the jokes for you.

Lindsay Lohan — Just don’t dare put her in coach for the flight to Los Angeles!

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