'American Horror Story: Hotel,' episode 11: No pain, no passion
It's hard to concentrate on American Horror Story: Hotel's numerous storylines when Liz Taylor's eyeshadow game is so strong.
She was probably still riding the high of busting into the Countess's suite with guns blazing alongside Iris. Her choice of deep blues and turquoise to match her velvety gowns accentuated an aura of class and sophistication not many other cross-dressing males can accomplish. Kudos to you, Liz Taylor.
Back to those storylines.
American Horror Story creator Ryan Murphy revealed last year that seasons in his anthology series are connected to one another.
Of course, he didn't say how or reference any seasons. But last night's episode of Hotel brought back a beloved character from season three's Coven, Queenie.
Iris and Liz successfully killed Donovan, but they managed to only wound the Countess. They enlist the help of Ramona Royale, who they locked up in a cage a few episodes back. Obviously, she's not too happy to see either of them even after feasting on all those vampire children who snuck into the hotel.
Iris and Liz promise to find her some fresh blood, and they find it in Queenie. In the lobby while Liz is checking her in, we find out Hotel is post-Coven and that Queenie has come to L.A. to star in The Price is Right. Her supreme (aka Cordelia Fox) bewitched her ticket so she would get picked. Liz is sort of star struck (omg you're one of the witches, I saw you on CNN).
They give her a room in the Cortez, Queenie senses some bad juju and Ramona attacks her in the bathroom. If you remember, Queenie is a human voodoo doll, so the two come to a stalemate. Ramona really wants her witch blood but can't touch her or she will be hurt as well. Queenie spews some fantastic lines like "I ain't nobody's protein shake."
Good ol' Patrick March saves the day by stabbing Queenie and spilling all that precious witch blood for Ramona. "You may be a witch," March says. "But I'm a ghost."
He tells Ramona he needs her help to take down the Countess. But his reasons are purely psychotic. Even after seeing the Countess's pure hatred for March, he still wants her to die within the Cortez walls so they can be bound together forever.
Elsewhere in the Cortez, Sally is patching up a severely wounded Countess. A little backstory reveals Sally has always been extremely codependent, and just wants someone to love her unconditionally. In her past she had made deep connections as a songwriter for a musician couple, but their drug addictions led to an early demise. So devoted to them, Sally literally sewed the three of them together right before the two died. When the addiction demon came for her, she had to rip herself free from the couple and his torture.
Sally patches up the Countess the best she can, but to heal her she must drink blood from another inflicted with the blood disorder. With no other option in sight, Sally gives her two of her precious children.
Full of witch blood, Ramona feels like "there are grizzly bears running through me." She approaches Countess in her room and the two have idle chit chat before the inevitable. True to form, Countess gets to Ramona and gets so far as to bring her packed bags down through the elevator and into the lobby. She had planned on making an escape from the Cortez and the heartbreak it contained.
When the elevator doors open, she's met by John Lowe, who promptly puts a few more bullets in her.
You see, John still had one more murder to commit. He upset March and Sally when he fled home with his wife and children. We don't know the details, but Sally admits to taking his family hostage until he completes his mission.
His last commandment: Thou shalt not commit murder.
He could have picked himself, or March. But he chose the Countess, ending her reign of the Cortez but bounding her within its walls forever.
Her pretty head looks almost out of place on the shelf of body parts John and March have accumulated.
The episode ends with another dinner date with March. Countess is a brand new ghost, and March wants her to be as comfortable as possible. Disgust for him and the hotel is written across her face the entire time.
She's not the only unhappy one. Miss Evers ends up admitting she's the one who turned March into the police. She knew he would never go to jail, he would rather kill himself. Just like March did to Countess, Miss Evers ensured both she and March died in the hotel so they could be together forever.
Infuriated by her confession, March banishes Miss Evers from his presence. His joy returns when he makes a toast to himself, Countess and the long eternity they now get to spend together.
--- Within seconds after filling Countess and Donovan full of bullet holes, Iris runs to her son's side hoping to save him. Luckily, she and Liz get him outside the Cortez just before his death so he won't have to spend eternity with Countess's other lovers.
--- John and Alex Lowe bring both their children home, but Scarlett is surprisingly unfazed that her mother and brother are bloodsucking monsters. She's more worried about what they're going to tell Grandma about his lack of growth in five years. Kids say the darndest things.
Contact Chelsea Tatham at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow @chelseatatham.