'American Horror Story: Hotel,' episode 6: Bartholomew
Devoted fan theorists had their moment on Wednesday's episode of American Horror Story: Hotel.
The first scene is a nice shot of Countess visiting none other than Murder House from season 1. Originally owned by Charles Montgomery and his wife, Nora, Murder House was notorious for keeping lost souls trapped in its walls.
Countess is seeking the help, and discrepancy, of the Dr. Montgomery. She's 3 weeks pregnant, doesn't want her husband to know and she's already huge. She wants it "take care of."
The nervous nurse is in disbelief at Countess's temperature of 75 degrees, but helps the doc anyway. After he "takes care of" the unborn baby, the nurse is all like "ummmm it's still alive" --- and hungry.
The baby/fetus/monster makes a decent meal out of the nurse before being presented to Countess. "Congratulations," the doc says. "It's a boy."
It was difficult to be excited over seeing Murder House and the infamous Dr. Montgomery after witnessing a disturbing abortion/bringing to life of a vampire's spawn. Just a typical day for the characters of American Horror Story.
Though fans had confirmation of links between the seasons from creator Ryan Murphy, "Room 33's" featuring of pivotal places and characters from season 1 cements all those fan theories.
Side note: I didn't think vampires could get pregnant. Then again, Countess isn't TECHNICALLY a vampire. There's also that thing that happened in Twilight.
Thank you for seeing the girl
So much sex. So many lies and secrets. So. Many. Butts. Speaking of, viewers got to see the bums of three out of the four heaven-sent men of AHS: Hotel this episode. Donovan remained fully clothed the entire episode. Still #blessed.
Liz Taylor has finally found her once-in-a-lifetime great love. Unfortunately she found it in all the wrong places --- the Countess's bed.
Liz and Tristan have fallen in love. Their love is fast and full of passion. Liz tells of her love for reading and gifts Tristan with a few favorite novels. Tristan is touched because "he's a model and everyone thinks models are dumb."
But like all great love stories, it ends just as quickly as it began. Which is really unfortunate because theirs is my favorite relationship of the entire series and lasted only an hour.
Liz Taylor thinks confronting the Countess and spilling the truth about their love will get her to consent to their relationship. Seriously, it's the Countess we are talking about here. "You feed off the heartbreak," Tristan yells at her. "I was made for more than that; for a real love."
Countess all but laughs in their faces when the secrets spill out. She explains how she can taste emotions, and their betrayal tastes like charred meat. She lets Liz Taylor have Tristan, but not before slashing his throat and killing him for good (or is he?).
"You can have him, bury him," she tells Liz Taylor.
She may have taken away Liz Taylor's shot at real love, but Countess still has the only being in the world she actually cares about --- her monstrosity of a son, Bartholomew.
Little Barty was the baby she was trying to get rid of in the beginning of the episode. But being born from an immortal being, he lived.
Countess continues to seduce Will Drake, the new owner of the Hotel Cortez, who happens to have a boatload of money that Countess wants. Before jet setting off to Paris with him, Countess says goodbye to her boy in his creepy crib a la Rosemary's Baby.
While mom's away, Ramona and Donovan come to play. More specifically, destroy the little monsters Countess created. "When I stab at those little hearts I'll be stabbing at hers," Ramona says.
Since the glass coffins with the little children are gone (Alex and Liz Taylor destroyed them to fool John) Ramona demands the key to room 33 --- little Barty's room. Ramona finds him, but he escapes giving her a little scratch on the way out.
Now there's a demon baby on the loose in a haunted hotel and if that doesn't give you nightmares I don't know what will.
Bartholomew manages to escape the hotel in John's luggage when he attempts to rid himself of the hotel for good after his psychotic break (I'll get to that later). He winds up taking the little bugger home, where it watches him and Scarlett. Already rattled by her parents' lack of interest in her, Scarlett loses it when John starts shooting at Bartholomew in their kitchen. When Alex arrives, she hears crying in the bushes around her house and finds an injured Bartholomew hiding there.
When Countess comes back from her trip, she finds Alex sitting in room 33 gently rocking Bartholomew. Like the dutiful pediatrician she is, she patched up his little wounds. She saved Countess's son, just like Countess saved hers. In this scene we see how similar Alex and the Countess are. Neither of them care about much else in the world except their baby boys. Unfortunately, viewers got a quick glimpse of what Bartholomew looks like, and it's terrifying. It's a baby, but a ghastly mutated baby with pitch black eyes and white hair.
This is my breakdown, I'm gonna have it
Alex is trying to hide her new self from John. She destroys the coffins he finds, keeps giving him drugs to keep him sleeping and tells him he's hallucinating everything. Holden, the coffins, the serial killers --- she claims they aren't real. But John isn't convinced.
But Alex wants to break him and send him packing. She counsels the two dead Swedish girls tearily roaming the halls to find their purpose (after a nice lecture from Donovan). She wants their purpose to be "breaking their minds" with John being their first victim.
Cue to the second threesome of the show featuring John and the two Swedish girls. Things get weird fast causing John to flee naked and bloody down to the first floor lobby, then back to his room to confirm what he just saw.
The Cortez's ghosts try to help him, but John just yells at them to get out while he bangs his bloody head against a wall trying to rid himself of their presence.
--- Donovan was a good teacher to the lost Swedish girls a.k.a Fast and Furious (because that's really all they ever say). He told the story of Cara, a woman who killed herself years ago at the Cortez, but was still unhappy just roaming the halls. She found her purpose --- scaring and killing guests --- and all was better.
--- Fast and Furious try out the killing thing, but they're still teary after killing a hotshot businessman with an ice pick. Luckily they're just tickled after successfully seducing John into having a whole new kind of rough sex.
--- John and Alex are important to this whole story, but they're seriously the worst parents ever. One child is an immortal vampire while the other is completely neglected and shipped off to grandma's.
--- I still can't get over seeing Murder House tied into this season. It makes me want to rewatch season 1 to pick out more ties. I can't wait to see how Ryan Murphy and his team throw him clues from the other four seasons.
Contact Chelsea Tatham at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter @chelseatatham.