Chris Rock on Why a Black Woman Can't Be President, Among Other Things
Leave it to Chris Rock to jam his fist down the throat of America's zeitgeist and pull its beating heart forth, still pulsating. Rolling Stone was smart enough to send celebrity profiler extraordinaire Bill Zehme out to capture Rock in the middle of a stand up tour he's taking while a white woman and black man are fighting for a serious chance to be the next President.
It sounds an awful lot like one of Rock's last starring movies, Head of State, and he knows it. Here's an amazing excerpt from that profile, courtesy of Rolling Stone Online:
"Bush has f%**ed up so bad," (Rock) will posit to any and all congregants in braying loops of oratory, "that he's made it hard for a white man to run for president. 'Gimme anything but another white man, please! Black man, white woman, giraffe, anything!' A white man's had that job for hundreds of years — and one guy f****ed it up for all of ya!"
And: "Each candidate tells you how humble they are. No, you're not humble! Do you know how big your ego has to be to say you wanna be president of the United States? Do you know how much Puff Daddy juice you have to drink? How many Kanye injections you have to take?"
And: "I actually think America is ready for a woman president. But does it have to be that woman? . . . She's gonna work in the office where her husband got blow jobs?! There ain't enough redecorating in the world she can do to change that! . . . There's one thing Hillary Clinton's better at than everybody else, and one thing only — and that's forgiveness! Hillary Clinton is the greatest forgiver in the history of the world. Even Jesus knows: 'You really good at fo'giveness. I mean, I talk the talk, but you walk the walk!'"
And: "Barack Obama — he's a black man with two black names! Barack. Obama. He doesn't let his blackness sneak up on you. As soon as you hear Barack Obama you wonder, 'Does he have a spear?' . . . He's so cool, too, man. I don't think he realizes he's a black candidate! When you're the only black guy doing something, people expect you to take it up a notch. If you're the only black playing basketball with a bunch of white guys — they expect you to dunk! . . . Barack has a handicap the other candidates don't have: Barack Obama has a black wife. And I don't think a black woman can be first lady of the United States. Yeah, I said it! A black woman can be president, no problem. First lady? Can't do it. You know why? Because a black woman cannot play the background of a relationship. Just imagine telling your black wife that you're president? 'Honey, I did it! I won! I'm the president.' 'No, we the president! And I want my girlfriends in the Cabinet! I want Kiki to be secretary of state! She can fight!' "
Think I can guess what magazine I'll be hunting down at Barnes & Noble tomorrow morning....Here's another cool Rock interview