Two and Half Men creator Chuck Lorre threatens tell-all book in first Sheen-less vanity card
It's what fans wanted to know most after seeing whether Ashton Kutcher could handle the admittedly limited requirements of slinging punchlines on a Chuck Lorre sitcom:
What did the vanity card say?
Lorre, creator of Two and Half Men, is notorious for posting lengthy messages at the end of his shows on the so-called "vanity card" that lists the name of the top producer's company (Lost creator J.J. Abrams' Bad Robot company features an E.T.-looking android lumbering through a field, for instance). See Lorre's archive here.
In fact, one of Lorre's vanity cards may have touched off his painfully public feud with former Men star Charlie Sheen; #329, aired Valentine's Day of this year, concluded: " I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I don't have crazy, reckless sex with strangers. If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed."
Less than two weeks later, CBS had called off production of the show for the rest of the season and a haggard-looking, erratic Sheen was making increasingly violent threats in public interviews, culminating in his firing (that reported $100-million settlement reached with Warner Bros. yesterday should take some sting off it all).
On Monday, Two and Half Men fans got to see their first Lorre vanity card for the post-Sheen generation, leaving little doubt how personally damaged Lorre actually felt by all the back-and-forth earlier this year (as if last week's return of Men didn't make that abundantly clear)
Here's the text, including Lorre's threat to write a tell-all book.
Not sure what it means, but if I was CBS, Warner Bros. and Sheen, I'd be very afraid:
"Sometime last year I realized I had become the unwilling contestant in a reality show. I didn't understand the rules, wasn't sure if there even were any, and pretty much hated every second of it. For many months I kept hoping and praying that it would end. But it did not. Somewhere along the way, something inside me died. Anyway, now, suddenly, I'm being told that the reality show's been canceled. Apparently, it was just one of those things that somehow got out of control. Sorry. Whoops. Live and learn. Moving on. Game over. And that's fine. I am so good with that. Yes, please, let's all move on. There's just one problem. That thing inside me that died? It walks at night. It's angry. It's hungry. And worst of all...it's writing a tell-all book."