The Will Ferrell song you almost heard on the American Idol finale
According to Funny or Die Web site co-creator Adam McKay, Will Ferrell almost got permission to sing a really funny song on the American Idol finale. Producers eventually came to their senses and decided that letting Tatiana Del Toro run around the stage pretending to evade security was a funnier bit.
Here's his story and the lyrics. Close your eyes and try to imagine Ferrell running around, squawking these words while Ryan Seacrest looks on, slackjawed:
"So we were contacted by American Idol about Ferrell doing something on the season finale tonight. We wrote a song and they said yes. Then I think they took a beat and actually read what we wanted to do and the plug was pulled. But we got pretty far down the road. Jon Brion had written some gorgeous music and up until last night Ferrell was ready to do it . . . Oh well.
Here's the first draft we sent in.
SEACREST: As you all know when tonight's winner is chosen they will sing an original song written and orchestrated specifically for that magical moment. However starting next year every winner will sing one song which we will premiere tonight. The song was written by Bob Dylan, Bernie Taupin and poet laureate Maya Angelou and orchestrated by John Williams. Here now to give us a preview of the new American Idol finale song is 12 time Grammy award winner and former bass player for the Doobie Brothers, Will Ferrell!
MUSIC: GENTLE PIANO LEADS US BY THE HAND INTO THE SONG
(WILL FERRELL walks on stage in a white flowing shirt and pants with white moccasins on. The VT overhead shows clouds against a blue sky.)
THIS IS THE MOST WONDERFUL SONG EVER!!!
MAKES SUSAN BOYLE SEEM LIKE CHER
THIS IS THE MOST WONDERFUL SONG EVER!!
IT CAN MAKE AN EAGLE MAKE LOVE TO A BEAR!!!
(Reveal a choir of literally a thousand people. We can use seat filling cardboard cut outs if need be. But it should be absolutely gigantic.)
THIS IS THE MOST WONDERFUL SONG EVER
PAULA, THIS AIN'T LIP SYNCING, IT'S REAL!!
THIS SONG IS BETTER THAN ALL CHRISTMAS CAROLS COMBINED
LIKE FINDING A NAKED LADY, IN YOUR HAPPY MEAL!!!
TALK PART: You know when I first read this song I asked "Did Dylan, Taupin and Angelou really write this." And they said sort of. And I said what does that mean? And then they ran away. But after five bottles of wine I knew who the real writer of this song was . . . the big man himself, God Almighty.
A THOUSAND YEARS FROM NOW
THIS SONG WILL BE STILL BE SUNG
EVEN IF PEOPLE NO LONGER HAVE MOUTHS
THIS SONG COST NINE POINT EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS
BUT WE COULD NOT FIND A WORD THAT
RHYMES WITH MOUTH
IF JESUS WERE TO SING THIS SONG
ON A MOUNTAIN OF PUPPIES IN A LAND OF OLD
IT WOULD BE SO BEAUTIFUL
THAT ACCOUNTANTS EVERYWHERE WOULD PISS GOLD!!!
WILL: Between me and you Ryan, this song is terrible.
SEACREST: Your mic is on.
WILL: Oh . . . Good night Burbank!!!!!!