Empire, Season 2, Episode 4: Can't win for losing
Dead body called shot gun this week. I hope the prosecutor has one of those little trees hanging from the rear view mirror.
But in all seriousness, Lucious kept on being evil -- meaning he still hasn't had any character development. I'm willing to accept him as purely a plot device from this point on, if only because his affect on the others has spurred some interesting moments.
Let's see which Empire character is having the best week, shall we?
9. Vernon was still dead but at least it wasn't a secret anymore. Maybe his next burial will be in a casket.
8. Prosecutor Roxanne Ford grasped at straws by initiating an FBI raid on both record labels and had to endure seeing Lucious in the buff. *dry heaves* Her humiliation continued when her thirst was exposed and Cookie used it to scuttle the Apex Radio deal. And finally she marched out to her car, ready for work, only to find Vernon trying to hitch a ride.
7. Anika had a breakthrough when Cookie extended her an olive branch. If she could bring in ex-Empire act, Royalty, she'd be back on Team Lyon Dynasty. Cookie even called Anika to get picked up from the police station. But it was all for naught, because Lucious had sown the seeds of doubt and Cookie gave her the boot once again. Boo Boo Kitty is so lonely.
6. Rhonda probably spent a full night in the woods drilling holes in trees so that Andre wouldn't find the body, only to have Lucious and Thirsty Rawlings show up with body detecting equipment. On the one hand, she might not go to the clink for her Clue-style murder of Uncle Vernon in the study with the candlestick, but damned if it's not easier to pin a murder on someone when there's a body.
5. Bipolar Andre was getting messages from God again, and apparently God hated him. That's the only explanation for God's ill advised plan to get back into Empire by digging up Vernon and handing him over to his father. But it worked. So... yay?
4. Hakeem had some hurt feelings when a weirdo artist showed up to the music video shoot with his massive painting of Jamal, and then let Lucious push him over the edge with taunting about being a momma's boy. (Side note: How is that even a possible taunt for a 21-year-old whose mother was incarcerated for 17 years?) He stabs the painting, fights Jamal, walks out on the video (and a new beat from Lucious) and vows never to return to Empire. All was not lost though. He just happened to drown his sorrows in a new age jazz club that just happened to feature an attractive Latina singer for one song that night. Wow. I wonder what the plot Hakeem could need an attractive, Latina singer for?
3. Jamal was back in the studio recording and getting a cover story profile written about him in Rolling Stone. Lucious goes against his idea to back off until the noise with FBI dies down, but magazine artist smoothed things over by making Jamal think he's the next Michael Jackson. Fighting with Hakeem turns out to be a boon for the painting and Jamal gets to live out his rebel fantasies by plastering posters of himself on the walls of New York.
2. Cookie got to shut down Boo Boo Kitty, once again, purely because she does not like her. Lucious didn't acquiesce on her demands to be let back onto urban radio, but she was still able to set up the video shoot with Hakeem and Jamal peacefully. Prosecutor Ford had Cookie arrested on a bogus turnstile hopping charge, which allowed her drop the timely bon mot, "If I die in police custody, I did not commit suicide." The interrogation room brought back bad memories of prison, but she spun that pain into her favor. Cookie fed the power hungry prosecutor a lie about the Apex Radio deal possibly being connected to Bunky's death -- ensuring the prosecutor would bend over backward to halt the sale and effectively let Lyon Dynasty out of the cage.
1. Lucious, or devil incarnate, got to have and eat all his cake this week by returning to the Empire offices and not getting arrested, spinning an FBI raid into an O.G. (original gangster) status upgrade, getting Hakeem on board for a video with Jamal, finding out that Rhonda killed Vernon, stuffing Vernon's corpse into the prosecutor's front passenger seat and possibly getting all charges dropped against him because the state does not have a witness. And the biggest miracle of all, this week, was when he didn't get slapped for calling Cookie "Grandma Moses."
To quote the our dear leader, "Tell me a grandma with an a-- like that."