'Game of Thrones,' season 6 episode 6: The crown and the faith
There comes a point in every season of Game of Thrones where Daenerys Targaryen defeats her enemies, rides out in a blaze of glory and wrangles up another army to join her in the quest for the Iron Throne.
We all want her to get to Westeros so very badly, but at this point it's because we are so sick of seeing her have to prove her might, get captured and have to start over again.
This season, it meant escaping the Dosh Khaleen, burning to death the mansplaining Khals who meant to enslave her and rounding up the Dothraki armies left behind. She erases any doubt of her power by riding the magnificently terrifying Drogon over her new army.
They shout in agreement to her plans to obtain the Iron Throne and conquer the seven kingdoms.
Let's see how long this bit of the Khaleesi roller coaster lasts.
Still fresh from the stab wound that was Hodor's backstory, Thrones thought it would be helpful to remind us of his sacrifice to save Bran in the ‘previously on' bit.
It was bad enough Thrones fans were bombarded with heartbreaking memes and Hodor doorstoppers all week.
Right where we left off, Mira is desperately trying to get away from the tree cave and the undead chasing after them. It's snowing, she's crying and Bran is just too dang heavy and useless right now.
He's still warging out. Flashes of his father's death, his fall from the tower and even scenes of the Mad King Aerys II zoom through his mind.
Just when all hope seems to be lost when the undead descend on the two, a mysterious black rider swoops in to save them. His all-black getup and swinging fireball he's wielding makes him look like a bada** grim reaper.
Later, Mira watches in horror as the rider skins rabbits for their dinner (girl, we know you're hungry so stop). He tells them the Three-Eyed Raven sent him, but they deny he's still alive.
The rider reveals he is Benjen Stark, brother of Ned and uncle to Bran. If you remember season one (ugh, I know, so long ago) Benjen disappeared during a ranging party from Castle Black.
Benjen explains the party was attacked by white walkers. He was stabbed and left for dead, until the Children found him. They used the same techniques on him that they used to create the walkers in the first place. That explains Benjen's ghostly complexion.
He's sort of a hybrid, good zombie.
He tells Bran it's only a matter of time until the Night King finds his way into the world of men. Bran just needs to learn to control his power to stop the world from ending.
Seems easy enough.
The crown and the faith
The Lannisters and Tyrells have had enough of the Faith Militant's rule over Kings Landing. Jaime, Lord Tyrell and the Queen of Thorns march into the square where Margaery is about to make her walk of atonement and demand she and her brother, Loras, be released.
The High Sparrow, of course, refuses in that infuriatingly calm voice he always has. He's one of those kill-them-with-kindness people that you just want to strangle.
In a strange twist, King Tommen steps out announcing a new alliance between the crown and the faith. The two will now work together to bring peace and Westeros back to its former glory.
Well, if you can't beat ‘em, join ‘em.
Earlier, Tommen was allowed to see his queen, Margaery. She tells of her newfound respect for the High Sparrow and that she's learned a great deal from being stuck in a prison cell. It's hard to tell if she's being genuine, or simply wants to see sunlight and have a bath again.
Simple Tommen hangs on every word Margaery says, and here we are now. Just as the leaders of Lannister and Tyrell plan to take back their authority, the youngest Lannister allies with the enemy.
Two ancient families remain united through Tommen and Margaery, but are still on the brink of collapse.
Sam and Gilly make it to Horn Hill and are warmly greeted by Sam's mother and little sister. It's obvious where Sam got his heart from.
His father is a different story. The epitome of a stubborn alpha male, Randyll Tarly insults Sam every chance he gets at their family dinner. Even though Sam brought back stories of bravery, plans to be a maester and his new wife and child, Randyll says he will always be a fat pig and no manly son of his.
The icing on the insult cake came when Gilly slipped up and revealed she was from beyond the wall and a wildling. Randyll is so insulted he proclaims Gilly will work in the kitchen while little Sam is brought up with the family. But Sam is no longer welcome at Horn Hill.
Sam gives Gilly a tearful goodbye the night before he's supposed to leave for Oldtown, but seconds later bursts back in the room to tell her he's not leaving her behind. They quickly pack up the baby and Sam steals his family's sword, Heartsbane, from its place on the mantel.
It's still uncertain where the two are headed next since Oldtown doesn't allow women to stay there. But it's high time Sam stopped taking his father's cruelty.
A girl had one job
Arya had one job.
She had a second chance to make things right with Jaqen and the Many-Faced God by killing Lady Crane. She watched Crane's performance on stage three times, she lingered backstage and she made plans to poison the lady's rum. In the end, her emotions got the better of her. She smacks the poisoned cup from Crane's hand and points a finger at another actress bent on taking out a rival. Instead of fulfilling her duties, Arya digs up her sword, Needle, in preparation for the retributions sure to come from the House of Black and White.
It must be time for another Stark to come back to Winterfell.
Lord Walder Frey, sadistic murderer and man who just won't die, lost the Blackfish. Even after murdering Catelyn and Rob Stark and Rob's new wife at the Red Wedding, Walder Frey still can't keep his affairs in order.
He lost control of Riverrun and the Blackfish, Brynden Tully, uncle to Catelyn Stark. Unfortunately, he now has the Blackfish's nephew and heir to Riverrun, Edmure Tully. This may not seem like a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, but trust me it is. The poor Starks and Tullys just can't catch a break from the bloodshed.
Until next time, please enjoy this blog dedicated to the love story of Brienne and Tormund
Contact Chelsea Tatham at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow @chelseatatham.