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'The Bachelor,' Season 20, Episode 11: Lying to women who love you for sport

Lauren B. and Ben are engaged and preparing to fade into obscurity.


Lauren B. and Ben are engaged and preparing to fade into obscurity.



Fact: Hearts are always broken on The Bachelor

But this finale was brutal. JoJo, honey, we love you -- even if Ben doesn't.

Thanks for being the type of girl who asks the questions we all do when we break up with someone.

"Where did it go wrong?"

"What doubts do you have?" 

"Why did you tell me you loved me?"

JoJo was so obviously in love with Ben that even his parents, Amy and Dave, felt impressed by her. "She has fallen in love with you and considers you almost a best friend," said Dave. 

JoJo's feelings were never in question. Which made every moment of this episode cringe worthy. She put it all out there in a way that felt as real as any Bachelor confession ever.

And then he crushed her. 

"I found (love) with somebody else more. I don't want to let go. I don't want to say goodbye. Even on a day like today I still don't question that I love you," Ben said.

This is what sucks about nice guys. They always want everyone to be happy and in the pursuit of that ridiculous ideal they say a bunch of things they couldn't possibly mean. How can you sincerely love someone, yet tell her that you can't imagine being without someone else? How can you propose to someone knowing you just cried about breaking up with her rival?

This whole telling both women you love them made me long for the days of Juan Pablo.

Her consolation prize kind of rocks, though. JoJo will get to get to sift through the thirsty mound of men as next season's The Bachelorette!

That's better than Lauren B.'s booby prize -- a life with Ben. *snooze* 

She got engaged in Jamaica with her Neil Lane diamond ring. She seemed invested but less desperate than JoJo to get married to Ben.

That's the trick ladies. You can't let them see you sweat. The type of man who would turn his love life over to a  game show is into games. The chase is everything and Ben is no different from the 19 Bachelors that preceded him. 

The episode started with Ben confessing to his parents he was in love with both women and Amy being disturbed by it.  
Lauren B. met the parents first and Dave called her "polished." So many code words and dog whistles with this family. Lauren's polish sounds an awful lot like the phoniness Leah identified before when it was an unpopular opinion. 
Even my husband, who never watches the show (and didn't Monday night) heard Lauren's voice and remarked "Is it just me or does she sound fake?"

Maybe she isn't, but darn that perception is hard to shake. 

Her final date with Ben was a catamaran ride where she spent the entire day picking up on Ben's reluctance but not directly questioning if he loved JoJo too. She just internalized her nerves and let Ben keep telling her he loved her. 

JoJo was not having that. She sensed something off and asked all the questions outright. Ben even admitted his relationship with JoJo had been through tests. Her ex-boyfriend was still lurking. Her brothers disapproved. 
She took Ben into the hotel bathroom and asked point blank if he loved Lauren too. And then he told the truth and knocked the wind out of her.

"I just don't know what life with Lauren is going to be like when everything's not perfect," he said. 

Fighting an initial attraction proved too hard for our Indiana doofus and he chose the girl he connected with on the first date and risked alienating all the other girls in Mexico to get a few extra moments with. 

"I just want to show her off," he kept saying in the post show. "She's the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on."

We hope they are very happy in their white house with a picket fence and gaggle of children who attend weekly Bible study. 
We'll be over here rewatching that time he made out with two dozen women, met the families of four of them, spent a night with three of them and confessed his love to two.

Won't that be fun for mommy to relive every time someone asks how they met?

Won't it, Lauren?

[Last modified: Tuesday, March 15, 2016 9:57am]


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