"They'll Sleep in the Car" and Other Parental Lies
There are things I say knowing they are not true, but technically can’t be considered “lies.”
Intentionally saying an untruth is indeed a lie, but sometimes I say some things not with the intention of making a falsehood, but because I want them to be true so badly.
Examples? “I wear a size 6.” “I don’t watch television too often.” “Thongs are really comfortable.” “The fat-free ice cream tastes just as good as regular.”
But here’s the #1 lie that pertains to me today as we embark on our 3000-mile family road trip:
This is a bold-face, complete and utter lie. No matter how many times I’ve said it, it never happens. My kids have never slept. Not a wink. For some unknown reason the road is like asphalt Vivarin. Our goal by leaving at 2 a.m. is to log six hours worth of miles before dawn, but it just doesn‘t seem to work out that way. Instead of anticipated slumber, we just lose those precious hours of sleep and have to stop for breakfast at 4 a.m. at the only open facility on I-75 which invariably ends up being a rest area vending machine.
Lie # 2: “Well, since they got up so early, they will take a nap.”
Hahahaha. Again, never has happened. About the closest thing that resembles a nap in our car is the slowing of the blood pressure and heart rates back to normal levels after devouring the bag of Twizzler’s that was supposed to last 3 days but has been exhausted in 3.2 minutes. By 4 in the afternoon I’m beginning to wonder if the Sandman wasn’t under one of those orange traffic pylons we hit back in Macon …
Lie #3: “At least it will be an early bedtime!”
After six different attempts at sold-out roadside motels, midnight quickly approaches, and sleep is still nowhere in sight. We need to find pajamas, blankets, and then decipher the local channel guide to find anything that doesn’t include “After Dark” in the title. After filling up 16 buckets of ice that we don’t need, we’re in for another couple of hours of playtime.
Lie #4: “We all sleep just fine once we stop.”
Okay, that was such a crazy uber-lie, it deserves its own scandalous suffix. We can coin that one as “Motel 8-gate.”
But at least we will catch up on our sleep when we get home.
I swear, it’s like I can’t help myself….