'Twas the Night Before Christmas -- 21st century style
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through our house,
Every creature was stirring, especially my spouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that a wrench, AA batteries and an instructional DVD soon would be there.
While visions of “some assembly required” danced through our heads.
And I in my kerchief all set to wrap,
Knew it would be some time before we settled in for a long winter’s nap.
When out from the garage there arose such a clatter,
I dropped my Friskars to see what was the matter.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But my husband, an electric screwdriver and a six-pack of beer.
He looked at a set of Allen wrenches that must be a trick.
More rapid than eagles his curses they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now Dasher! Now Sky Dancer! Now XBox and that Barbie vixen!
The Legos! The ripstick! The mountain bike all need a fixin‘!
Oh why must Santa choose the most complex toys of all?
What’s wrong with a coloring book? A bat or a ball?”
A bundle of tools he had flung on his back,
And he looked like Bob Villa just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they watered! his brow how wary!
He frowned and he scowled, and at no time looked merry.
It shook in a light breeze like a bowlful of jelly.
Looking around, I knew we made lame elves,
And we had to laugh, in spite of ourselves.
A wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
We spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Still wishing we’d paid the extra cash for help from the clerk.
We finished the wrapping and assembling with the rooster's first crows.
We sprang to our sleigh bed before the alarm gave a whistle,
But before closing an eye, the kids started to rustle. And we heard them exclaim as they came into sight,
“Santa sure does deliver but he needs help getting those screws in tight!”
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
-- Tracey Henry, the Suburban Diva