Vacation Day 2: What were we thinking?
1. You wouldn’t be able to understand a single word. I would have to write nonsensical phrases like, “This car has fleas,” “Watch the baby while she plays in the junkyard,” and who can forget the classic, “I hope the D.O.T. don’t [sic] have a roadblock set up or your son might have to spend the night in a rural Georgia jail.” It would be an illogical ordering of random words that would frustrate and confound you and leave you wondering just what in the heck happened on that desolate South Georgia interstate that caused this once semi-normal family to die a little inside.
2. It would be littered with cursing. Really bad words you shouldn’t repeat without an air horn censor nearby.
3. There were many, many laws broken -- not only myriad state, federal and local laws, but also physical. And while we escaped “dem smokies,” I don’t know the statute of limitations for any of those violations, or whether pleading “Guilty by reason of RVing” is a legal defense recognized in a court of law. (Although no jury would convict us under the circumstances).
4. You would have to spit at least six or seven times. Why? I have no idea, but all day everyone expectorated liberally around me, and frankly, it was disgusting and I’d rather not go through that again.
No, it is best if we put Day 2 to bed in that same Valdosta Holiday Inn where we started after a nice steak dinner and a trip to Wal-Mart in a 1981 Buick LaSabre with no interior upholstery, a gnat infestation, no working headlights and that vaguely smells of a cocktail of motor oil, feet and broken dreams.
-- Tracey Henry, the Suburban Diva