I used a GPS system once, in a rental car driving from Fayetteville, Ark., to Branson, Mo. Didn't get lost but got a little agitated a few times when the sugary voice giving directions would politely inform me she was "recalculating" after missing a turn. There was also that route she suggested that guided us through an industrial park after dark to reach a highway, which gave me a neat idea for a slasher flick: Global Positioning Slaughter.

If that had been Mr. T or Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet mode steering me wrong, I'd be too scared to complain.

But those celebrities and a few others are offering their vocal services to TomTom global positioning system users, with downloads available for $12.95 at Navtones.com. Even if you don't own a GPS system on your phone or in your car, just listing to samples at the site are a kick:

"You're riding with Dennis Hopper, the easy rider. I'm here to drive you, brother, tell you where to go. Sit back and relax. I'm gonna get you there in one piece," the former antiestablishmentarian says. Later, he starts taunting: "What are you, high? Do you think I know where you're going? Are you lost yet? Hahahaha! Are you lost yet? Hahahaha!"

Mr. T pities any fool who doesn't listen to his directions. Kim Cattrall sounds like she'd rather be in the back seat, driving. Burt Reynolds -- hammer down, Bandit! -- wants to know where the women are.

But it's Gary Busey, the guy who claimed on a reality show that he can "smell colors," who doesn't seem to be someone AAA would recommend.

The site describes Busey as "one of Hollywood's most thought-provoking souls. Having recovered from traumatic brain injury after a motorcycle malfunction, Gary knows a thing or two about safe motoring and how to make the most of your journeys."

Okay, and maybe I'll take cooking lessons from someone who once blew up a kitchen.

Click on Busey's sample for a bit of his wisdom:

"If you ever get bored just honk at geese even though you don't see any. Just honk at them. Like, I'll give you an example: (loud impersonation of a goose). I'm not bored because I'm honking at geese."

Gee, Gary that's ... nice.