I know it's my civic duty and all that but Mondays are bad for me, your honor. There are deadlines at work, a blog to keep up, a weekend to get over, and it's such a hassle driving to downtown Clearwater at 8:15 a.m., which is awfully early for anyone to be out of their PJ.s, don't you think?

I don't think that'll work but it's the best I can come up with, to escape the unavoidable boredom and potential extension of same on Monday when I show up for jury duty.

I looked through the summons I received and can't find a loophole since I'm a U.S. citizen who isn't a convicted felon, still living in Pinellas County, not being prosecuted for a crime. I'm not 70 or older, pregnant or the unemployed parent of a child under 6. I'm not a full-time law enforcement officer unless you count the rules of good cinema, and I can't afford a doctor's visit to obtain an alibi.

I thought about marking the spot for "I am responsible for the care of person incapable of caring for self," but Princess Di would be so embarrassed.

So help me out, people. Clue me to the best excuses to avoid jury duty that you've used, or heard about. I'd really appreciate the suggestions that worked.

While you're thinking, take a look at Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel's wittily dismissive review of 1995's Jury Duty, starring the worst movie star ever, Pauly Shore, plus Abe Vigoda and -- remarkably resembling my mother, Shelley Winters. If your suggestions don't get me off the hook, I swear I'll post a clip from Bio-Dome.