For most of the world, today is Beyonce Day, as Jay-Z's hotter half releases her third solo album, the double-disc I Am...Sasha Fierce. Ms. Knowles breaks down the release into soft (If I Were a Boy, LISTEN) 'n' sassy (Single Ladies, LISTEN), the latter represented by her club-banging alter ego, Sasha Fierce. With ample amounts of gush, froth and hullabaloo -- and maybe just a smidge of foofaraw -- I hereby declare Beyonce the Ultimate Entertainer...

...but basically just to tick off '80s apologist Steve Spears, who never fails to respond to my Beyonce love with a Pavlovian "WHAT ABOUT JANET JACKSON?!" Yep, things are getting ugly at the SPT, as old Spearsy just busted out his awkward "Nasty Boy" dance (nice Zubaz, dude!) and challenged me to an old-fashioned blog battle. Beyonce vs. Janet, for the title of Ultimate Entertainer! Feel free to play along at home...

Herewith, 3 Reasons Why Beyonce Beats Janet in Every Way (not counting JJ's awkward Good Times years, which would just be playing dirty)

1) I meet a lot of famous folks, and lemme tell you this: 99-percent of celebrities have giant heads and little bodies. Except for Miss 1 Percent, Beyonce, who is larger than life, especially those superheroic thighs. Kablammo! Janet Jackson, on the other hand, could get dunked on by a garden gnome.

2) Janet coos; Beyonce sings. Jackson has been busting out the same militaristic march-march-thrust dance since the Reagan administration; Knowles causes glorious seismic shifts with Aileyesque undulations and her Crazy in Love glute getdown. There is none shimmier.

3) In a day and age when class is rare and crass rules, Beyonce conducts herself with grace and mystery. Janet, on the other hand, causes a stir when she wears a bra. She's always showing it off. That's gonna be really awkward and creepy when she's 42. Oh wait...

For Spearsy's rebuttal, which is no doubt randy and entirely nipular, go HERE.