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Beyonce Week: I tried on Beyonce's Ivy Park leotard so you don't have to

26

April

When I pulled up to International Plaza's Nordstrom at exactly 9:50 a.m. on April 14, there was already a line of women in yoga pants waiting outside the door.

Doors opened and women casually strolled through the shoes and over to the escalator, as if they all weren't at the mall on a Thursday morning for the same reason. Beyonce.

When Ivy Park, Beyonce's highly anticipated workout line with Top Shop's Sir Phillip Green, rolled out online, the BeyHive was in an athleisure frenzy. The collection, made up of sleek black, grey and white workout clothes, sold out in minutes online.

But there, folded neatly before me, was the closest I would ever get to the Queen herself. A $50 black sports bra Beyonce posed in? I NEED IT. A $50 leotard Beyonce wore for 30 seconds in a promotional video? GET OUTTA MY WAY, LADIES. MINE.

Girls were picking up two of everything and filing to the dressing room for the immediate Beyonce curves they were hoping to suddenly appear.

Only, no one can look like Beyonce in a leotard. Not unless you're Beyonce.

via GIPHY

This isn't what I looked like, surprisingly.

I stared at the black one piece with green and white trim on the hanger in my dressing room, maimed with deodorant stripe stains along the sides from all the women who came before me.

The leg holes cutting high up in true ‘80s gym fashion, the leotard's trim hung lifeless on my legs like a pair of old Soffe shorts you can't seem to get rid of despite having no elastic left.

My waist wasn't magically cinched in. There was no built-in booty pop panty. Just empty promises. I Ivy-parked my butt on the dressing room stool. Defeated. Beyonce-less bod.

Luckily, the women on either side of my dressing room felt the same way. Our bodies just weren't bootylicious enough. I didn't have the jelly to even begin to handle.

The key word surrounding the line of clothes, heard over and over in the dressing room, was "with."

"This would look cute ... with"

"You could pair it ... with"

"I would wear it out ... with"

Because really, who is going to work out in a leotard and nothing else? No one.

I got over the mental blow. Here are some other thoughts surrounding the collection:

The good:

Sports bras: Normally, the bane of my existence. As someone who has had to wear two, sometimes three sports bras at once, the Ivy Park bra was awesome. The ladies were def in formation.

Tank tops: So soft, you could live in it.

Sweaters: Insanely cozy until you look at the price tag.

The bad:

Leotard: A main focal piece for the line, the leotard looked to have lost most of its shape relatively quickly, even after being tried on by a few girls. The back cut so far up, one squat and it would be lost forever.

Yoga pants: Working out in the Ivy Park pants, I loved the sleek white lettering going up my left leg. They scream, "watch out Anytime Fitness, Beyonce has arrived. Look at my yoga pants, did you see that they're Ivy Park? Because they are. Let me circle on back over to the water fountain so you can see them again." But the love stops there. The pants, though made from thick material, didn't have the stretchy give and take you'd want when being active. Four lunges into my workout and I was looking at sad, saggy kneecaps in the mirror. I was pulling and adjusting between every set. These will be used strictly for leisure.

As for the leotard, I'm sure you'll see plenty of fans in them at Beyonce's Tampa concert... only tucked into jeans and paired with Spanx.

[Last modified: Tuesday, April 26, 2016 2:01pm]

    

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