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13 things that happened in June that would've been called SO FLORIDA had they happened in Florida



I did it for January, and I did it for February, and I did it for March, and I did it for April, and I did it for May, and so now I'll do it for June, too, okay?

1. A Republican Congressional candidate changed his name to Cesar Chavez and also became a Democrat to try to appeal to Latino voters.

2. A man tried to get out of his deckchair and found his testicles had become stuck between two slats of wood.

3. A nest of snakes was discovered in a sewer pipe when a contractor set up a video camera.

4. A steer got loose in city streets before cops killed it.

5. A couple cleaning an apartment found a python under a couch cushion.

6. A boy found in an abandoned house a mummified corpse hanging by the neck from a belt in a closet.

7. An angry beaver attacked a man getting a kayak lesson. "This beaver was upset about something," the trainer said.

8. A mother was arrested after she had six kids ride on the hood and trunk of her Chevy Malibu because their clothes were wet from a pool and four of them ended up in the hospital when she took a corner too fast.

9. A burglar was caught because he logged onto Facebook in the house he broke into but forgot to log off.

10. A sinkhole that swallowed Corvettes in a museum is now a tourist attraction.

11. A bear fell through a skylight into a suburban living room and began eating lemon blueberry and peanut butter cupcakes. A half an hour later, in a different house, cops shot and killed the bear.

12. A Republican Congressional candidate claimed his opponent was dead and had been replaced with a body double. "The World knows the truth and We must always display and communicate the truth," he wrote in a letter he posted on his website.

13. A 24-year-old Republican man vying to become a state representative attempted to explain his past criminality, including why he broke into cars, according to a police report, and "would remove the spark plug wires and sit in the car and masturbate while the motor was sparking and making noises."

[Last modified: Monday, June 30, 2014 10:09pm]


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