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14 things people in Florida have used a machete to do in 2013

This is a machete.

Courtesy of Craig Pittman

This is a machete.

10

December

1. Rob a pizza place.

2. Kill a gator.

3. Chase a burglar.

4. Critically injure a home invader.

5. Attack Grandma.

6. Attack a man in the woods.

7. Attack police officers … at the police station.

8. Slice a neighbor on account of sickly trees.

9. Charge a neighbor on account of a stolen chicken.

10. Slash the arm of a ranting drunk on Cudjoe Key.

11. Decapitate pythons in a state-sanctioned snake-catching contest.

12. Search for Civil War ruins.

13. Threaten fellow college football fans.

14. Run through Jacksonville yelling, "Kill me, I want to die," before breaking into a home and ripping the toilet out of an upstairs bathroom while foaming at the mouth, then shattering a window and falling two stories to the ground.

[Last modified: Wednesday, December 18, 2013 9:45pm]

    

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